Butterflies and Hurricanes
by vogue idea
Summary: It had always been like this, the three of them together. From the outside it didn’t seem to fit, but spend five minutes with this odd trio and it'd make perfect sense. They were more alike than people thought, especially when it came to her. NateBlairDan
1. Human

**Authors Note: **Alright, this is my first time writing for Gossip Girl, and my first time writing in quite a long time. So please go easy on me! I've read the books and seen the television show, and I love both. This is a mix between the two and it's pretty AU. Nate and Dan are much like Nate/Chuck in the show, as in they've been best friends sine lord knows when. Nate and Blair never dated, Dan and Serena never dated (she'll make her appearance later in the story but will be AU as well).

I've had this idea in my head for weeks and there's so much going on in my mind this first chapter might come out a little jumbled at first. But please stick with me! I think ever boy should be in love with Blair because she's just all sorts of fabulous, and even though I'm a hardcore Nate/Blair shipper, I'm going to try and challenge myself to write this out and tell this story as a hopefully more than decent love triangle. Happy reading! And reviews are always appreciated.

Chapter 1 - Human

It had always been like this, the three of them, together. From the outside it didn't seem to make much sense to anyone, but if a person spent five minutes with this odd trio they'd understand, and it'd make perfect sense.

Nate Archibald was your typical trust fund baby on the outside. Not only did he inherit millions upon millions of dollars, he also inherited devastatingly good looks. As if his life didn't appear to be easy enough he had a certain charm about him that got him almost whatever he wanted. His life was laid out in concrete plans; it had been since the minute he was born. Prestigious private schools until he graduated and then it was off to an Ivy League school. Over the years his parents had thrown countless parties with the sole purpose of networking him around –professionally and personally. He would placate his parents by pretending to seem interested in the girls that were throwing themselves at him, but would soon find himself bored out of his mind and in a serious need of some distractions.

Midway through a conversation with another blonde whose name he had forgotten the instant it left her lips, he excused himself and quickly slipped out of the room furiously typing a text message as he did.

_Code Green. This party makes me want to blow my fucking brains out. See you in five._

He shoved his phone back into the pocket of his tailored pants and dashed toward the safety of his room, quietly shutting and locking the door behind him. When he turned around, he jumped scaring the two people sitting on his bed.

"Jesus. How long have you guys been here?" He asked as he plopped himself down on the couch in his room, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a joint he had assembled earlier.

The tiny brunette rolled her chocolate brown eyes when she saw this before speaking, "We ditched the 'party' like thirty minutes ago. That reminds me…" She turned to face the other body sitting on the bed and held out her hand, "Cough it up, Humphrey."

The boy of eighteen murmured something under his breath as he pressed a bill into her hands and then noticed Nate staring at the two of them with a confused look on his face, which wasn't entirely unusual but he proceeded to explain anyway;

"We placed bets on how long it would take you to escape. She said less than thirty minutes; I said nothing less than forty-five."

"He thinks he knows your party habits better than I do, it's pathetic, actually."

Dan sent a glare Blair's way and she met it by shrugging her shoulders making it obvious that she stood by what she said. A moment later she was staring at Nate, and laughed at the expression on his face, it looked like once of annoyance.

"What's wrong, Nathaniel?" She emphasized his full name, knowing that he hated it, but she was in a playful mood.

"Why didn't you guys tell me you were up here earlier? You know I can barely make it when you two are there, let alone when you leave me stranded by myself."

"Sorry, man. Did you want us to hold your hand or something?" Dan had moved up off the bed and was now standing next to Nate, holding out a lighter for him.

He glared at him and he ignored his mockery, "Shut the fuck up man, just light this thing."

Dan held his hands up in surrender and backed away as a joke, but then stepped forward again to light it. The two boys heard Blair scoff at them. It was no secret that she didn't approve of their "extracurricular activities" as the two of them liked to call them.

Nate inhaled deeply when the joint was pressed between his two lips, taking a big hit. As he breathed out, he smirked at Blair who was getting up from the bed.

"Problem, Ms. Waldorf?"

She crossed her arms over her chest as she made her way toward his door, narrowing her eyes at the blue eyed boy.

"You're such a smartass. Look, if you two are going to do that" she jabbed one of her tiny fingers at the joint that had now made its way into Dan's hand, "I'm going to find something to entertain myself. I'll be back in two seconds, try not to miss me too much"

The last part was sugary sweet with a large side of sarcasm, in only a way Blair could make it.

Sure enough, she was back fairly quickly with two bottles of champagne tucked under her arms and a martini in one of her hands.

"There are still so many people; I don't even think anyone saw me. Your parents don't even seem to be looking for you, Nate."

It took him a second to focus on what she was saying and he just shrugged, not really wanting to think of a response at the moment. She shot him a look and sat back down on the bed, taking a large sip of the drink, almost finishing it off.

Dan chuckled when he saw he practically down the drink and raised an eyebrow

"Got a hot date or something? What's the rush?"

She set the now finished drink on Nate's night table and pursed her lips.

"Well, you two are going to be absolutely worthless in about a minute, so it's going to take this alcohol to keep my level of irritation down to a minimum. Plus, why should you two get to have all the fun?"

Her eyes darted from one boy's face to the next and she was met with the same glassy eyed expression from both. She threw her hands up in defeat and popped open a bottle, aiming the cork at the two of them across the room. Much to her displeasure at first, the two boys found this to be hilarious. But after a second or two she couldn't help laughing either.

An hour, one bottle of champagne, and a couple of joints later the three of them were all lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling silently. Blair was the first to break it,

"Do you think it's ever going to be like this again?"

Dan shifted his position so that he was resting his head on his propped up elbow and stared at the small girl who was curled up in a ball.

"Like what? You well on your way to being pretty intoxicated and the two of us stoned out of our minds? Yeah, probably."

Nate snorted and Blair hit Dan's arm as hard as she could at the moment.

"You know what I mean, don't be a jackass. I'm serious! I mean, I know we're all going to the same school so that'll make it easier, but still, everyone says it changes…"

She trailed off and stared silently above her again, pondering the question.

"To be honest? Things will probably change, but that doesn't mean we have to"

This time it was Nate who disturbed the stillness with his voice.

"When did you get so deep, Archibald? This must be some pretty good shit if it's got you thinking"

Both Blair and Nate laughed at the joke and any tension that might have been in the air was quickly erased, and even more so when Nate bolted up and tried to grab the second opened bottle of champagne from Blair's clutches. She sat up and held it closer to her body, not letting him have it.

"Blair, come on! You know you only need a bottle to feel it, my mouth is dry and I want some"

"Your mouth is dry because you just smoked like three joints, stupid. This is mine!"

Nate eyed Dan and he grinned, nodding. They must have been counting to three in their heads, because at the exact moment the two boys tackled her back onto the floor. She let out a loud squeal as she felt someone crash into her completely, spilling the bottle of champagne all over her Matt Williamson party dress. She looked up to see Dan with a highly amused expression on his face as he grabbed the bottle from a stunned Blair and handed it over to Nate, who immediately downed half of what was in the bottle before passing it back to Dan who finished it off. The two boys released their grips from the girl and fist bumped.

Blair sat up and glared furiously at the two of them. She struggled to pull herself up and the all the boys could do was laugh. Once she was up, she stormed over to Nate's bathroom and slammed the door shut locking it behind her. Dan and Nate exchanged sideways glances and both immediately got up and dragged themselves over to the door, knocking on it.

"Blaaaaaaaaair," Nate spoke first, "We're sorry, don't be upset."

Dan struggled not to laugh before he spoke, "I'll pay for dry cleaning?"

They both heard her huff under her breath and burst into laughter which didn't make things any better. She kicked the door from inside of the bathroom to get them to stop and Dan sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"Come on, don't be like this. We can go get you another bottle if you really want one. We are sorry, but you just shouldn't be so greedy."

There was nothing but quiet coming from the other side of the door until they heard the door unlock, and she opened it. In front of them was a slightly dismal sight. The entire front of Blair's dress was soaked with champagne and her eyes were brimming with tears.

"I HATE when you two do that!" She pouted as she marched past them back over to Nate's bed.

"Do what? We don't usually waste champagne…" Nate knew his comment would just annoy her even more, but he couldn't help it. Dan stifled a laugh and tried to remain serious looking.

"UGH!" She threw her hands up into the air and raced back toward the bathroom but Nate grabbed her before she could get there, pulling her small frame tightly against his much larger one.

"No you don't. We're sorry for ganging up on you. Again. But it's just too easy to sometimes."

He steered her to the other side of the room to his closet and his drawers full of clothes.

"Pick out whatever you want, wear it for the rest of the night. I know how much you like the dress shirts. Just don't be mad, this is a fun night."

Blair looked up at him, sighed, and reluctantly started thumbing through his shirts that were hung up in his closet. Meanwhile, Dan had rummaged under Nate's bed to pull out snacks that he kept there for occasions like these, where were very frequent. He sat back on the couch throwing handfuls of Cheerios into his mouth; Nate joined him shortly after, but with chips. Out of the corner of his eye, Dan noticed Blair peeling off her dress and she was soon standing there in nothing but her bra and boy shorts. His full attention was on her, he didn't even want to chew. Nate noticed he was distracted and followed his gaze and soon they were both just staring.

She threw a light blue dress shirt over her head and turned around, slowly buttoning it, unaware of the fact that her two best friends were watching her, slightly open mouthed. Blair looked up and rolled her eyes when she saw the two of them, grabbing a pillow from a chair and tossing it at them.

"You two are such perverts sometimes. Could you maybe, for one second, stop being guys? It's so difficult to hang out with you sometimes, I swear!"

She looked under the bed and found a bag of Oreos, she had a severe case of the drunchies. Blair sat on the floor across from the two of them and popped a few into her mouth. The three of them sat there quietly eating for a few minutes and Blair continued to stuff her face with the cookies. Dan stared at her wide eyed and nudged Nate, which snapped him out of his trance. He looked at Dan and shrugged his shoulders and Dan nodded his head toward Blair

"Dude?"

Nate was still confused until he noticed how just how quickly Blair was eating the snack. They both knew she was stressed out with summer just about to end and college rapidly approaching, but it took him a second to put two and two together.

Dan stood up and snatched the bag of sweets out of her hand and stared down at her with a look of concern. She gave him a look and then turned her attention to Nate to see if he too noticed Dan's bizarre behavior, but she was met with the same look that was plastered on Dan's face.

"What's wrong with you two? Is the stuff wearing off already?"

Dan threw the cookies under the bed again and sat next to Blair, Nate quickly followed, sitting on the other side of her.

"Blair…" His tone was slightly unfamiliar to her; she wasn't used to Nate being so soft. It made her a little uncomfortable sitting there with the two of them acting like this.

"What? You guys are freaking me out."

She her head turned from one boy to the other a few times waiting some sort of explanation. Dan grimaced and then spoke,

"Look, we know you're stressed and freaking out, per usual, and it's just you seemed to be eating those pretty fast…" He didn't want to continue after seeing the look on Blair's face.

"Oh,"

Neither of the boys knew what to say to that, they were expecting some sort of denial at least. They felt her go rigid between the two of them and anxiety filled the air. Blair bit her bottom lip to try and stop any of the tears from dripping down her face.

"I didn't even realize I was doing it. I mean, I did. But I didn't even think about it. I just figured I would calm myself down with a few and then…"

Nate instantly felt as if he needed to protect her. He hated seeing her like this, so fragile and lost. He grabbed her petite hand and his thumb moved in circles on the back of her hand. Dan put his arm around her and squeezed her close, thinking of what to say.

"Do you want us to take you home? I'm sure your mom can call Dr. Ostroff tomorrow and…"

She jerked her hand away from Nate's and squirmed out of Dan's grasp as she jumped up onto Nate's bed, burying herself in the middle underneath the covers.

"No! I don't want to go home, that'll just make it worse. God, I hate when I do this. I thought I was doing okay and .." She couldn't finish before her sobs broke through her voice and she pulled the covers up over her head hiding herself from the two of them.

She didn't get like this often, so vulnerable and open. In fact, the only two people who had ever really seen her in this state were sitting in this room, and it was rare that they did. They were so used to her being strong and confident that it threw them for a loop when it did happen.

Dan was the first to climb up onto Nate's bed, sitting beside the small figure under the covers. Nate sat on the other side and peeled them back to reveal a sniffly eighteen year old girl. He couldn't help but laugh at her even though it wasn't the right time. But luckily, it seemed to work in his favor because soon the other two were laughing as well.

"How about you stay here for the night? I'll put in Breakfast at Tiffany's and you can watch it until you fall asleep."

Nate knew that movie fixed everything in her life, even if it was only for a minute. Blair nodded and repositioned herself so that she was facing the flatscreen on the wall in front of her. Dan kicked off his shoes and leaned up against the backboard.

She felt another body slide in underneath the covers next to her and her first instinct was to grab his hand. This is what they did on night's when they wanted to escape their own worlds, watched movies and were nothing but comfortable with each other. Dan knew it was their thing, and she he began to leave before he felt Blair grasp onto his arm. He looked down and saw that her eyes were still a little watery and settled back down into the bed. She smiled up at him and then quickly turned her attention back to the movie.

Blair made it about twenty minutes into the movie before the combination of all the emotions she was feeling and the alcohol put her into a deep sleep, resting her head on Nate's shoulder and clutching Dan's hand. The two boys looked at each other; Dan rolled his eyes and motioned with his head toward the sleeping Blair. Nate rolled his eyes even though he was amused by it all.

Soon, the credits played, but no one was awake to turn off the movie. With everything that was going to happen in the next few weeks, and years even, it would be their last night of restful sleep. The tree of them just didn't know it yet.


	2. How We Breathe

**Author's Note:** First off, thank you for the kind reviews! They really mean a lot to me and I'm glad that you guys are enjoying this so far. The first few chapters may seem a little off because I'm still trying to sort out my ideas, and I need to introduce you to some aspects of the character's lives. With that being said, I apologize if they seem out of character. This is pretty AU, like I said, and I may be taking some liberties with character traits. Hopefully once I become more comfortable with this story, that will show through in my characters as well. Again, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Also, please be patient with the pairings. I promise that there will be an equal amount of both Nate/Blair and Dan/Blair for a while. And yes, other characters that you know and love will be appearing soon!

**Disclaimer:** The only thing I own are my ideas, the characters and Gossip Girl are not mine.

Chapter 2 -How We Breathe

Dan Humphrey felt like an outsider for the first two weeks of high school. He didn't have the money that most of the kids who attended the school with. This wasn't to say he was living in the worst part of the time barley scraping by; he just wasn't rolling in the millions. Most of the time he kept to himself, simply observing people. It wasn't he was assigned Nate Archibald as a lab partner that he really started to feel like himself. He remembers thinking that as soon as they shook hands that afternoon and he felt Nate's lacrosse calloused hands that they would have nothing to talk about, but he was way off the mark. Dan had a sense of humor that Nate didn't get at first but he liked how they played off of each other, and soon the two were inseparable.

Nate remembers an even smaller Blair storming up to him one day before school while he was smoking, waiting for Dan to show up so they could take their usual spots in the back of history and trying their best to not laugh at their teacher, who always seemed to have a spit bubble in the corner of his mouth.

She stood on a step above him, trying to make herself appear more threatening, but she still wasn't taller than him, not even with the extra step. What Blair didn't know is that she could scare the shit out of Nate with simply sending him the wrong kind of look, but he never let her know that. He enjoyed forcing her to compensate for her height.

He threw the joint down on the ground knowing how much she hated the smell, not that doing that would lessen it, but it pacified her slightly when he did. She continued to stare at him.

"What, are you going to just stand there and gave at me lovingly?"

She frowned, bringing her two eyebrows together and shook her head,

"Oh please, you wish." He could hear the irritation in her voice and he cleared his throat.

"Is something wrong? Did I forget to pick you up this morning or…?"

"No! I haven't gotten a ride to school with you in two years, Nate. I'm just wondering why my so-called best friend has been basically absent from my life for the past month. Are you mad at me?"

He couldn't help but laugh lightly at her expression. It was one of genuine concern and worry. She looked confused and nudged him, hoping that he would explain.

"Sorry, sorry. No, I'm not mad at you. We're just in high school now, things are a little different. You go to your school and do god knows what, and I just hang at mine. With the guys. It's nothing personal, Blair. I promise. I mean, hanging out with you is great and all, but I can only handle so much estrogen before I start to freak myself out." He joked, hoping it would make her feel a little better.

She sighed and rolled her eyes, "I figured. But still, I miss you! Kati and Is are about a thousand times more annoying when you're not there to react to the things that come out of their mouths with me. Who have you been hanging out with, anyway?"

Just as she asked the question Dan dragged himself up the stairs to where Nate was and gave up a head nod while he was on his way. Blair turned around to see what Nate acknowledging and was surprised when she saw Dan.

"What's up, man? I thought you were going to bail this morning and force me to deal with first period alone."

Dan grinned and shook his head, "Nah, I missed my usual bus and had to take something five minutes later. Like I would miss out on the opportunity to count how many times that freakish bubble pops."

The two boys laughed for a minute before Blair stomped her foot to bring the attention back to her.

"Um, hello?"

Dan was well aware of whom the girl standing across from him was, everyone knew who she was. He had only seen her from a distance, never actually getting close enough to take a good look at her. Nate had mentioned her many times, and he almost felt like he was beyond being an acquaintance.

Her dark brown hair was straight today, but it was usually in loose curls. Her large doe eyes were slightly cold, but he couldn't help but notice how beautiful she actually was. Her skin was slightly pale, but flawless. Blair's lips were pursed like they usually were when she was annoyed, but she still looked like one of those perfect china dolls his sister used to play with. Nate caught Dan staring at Blair a little too long and raised an eyebrow before speaking.

"Oh, right, sorry. Dan, this is Blair Waldorf. Blair, Dan Humphrey."

Dan held his hand out to the tiny brunette and she stared at it a second before shaking it,

"It's a pleasure to meet you. So I'm assuming you're one of these 'boys' that Nate was just about to tell me about."

He shrugged, unsure of whether or not Nate really considered him to be one of the guys. Sure, they hung out on the weekends with some other guys, but he always felt a bit out of place. Nate looked at Blair and nodded and she smiled politely at Dan.

"Well, if you're good enough for Nate, you're good enough for me I guess." She paused and chewed on her bottom lip, hesitating. "Is it true you live in Brooklyn?" She spit out.

Both boys let out loud laughs and looked at each other as if they were sharing some private joke that she didn't understand. Blair was getting aggravated again; she shot a glare at Nate.

"What's so funny?! It's a serious question, I heard he lived in Brooklyn and I want to know about it!"

"What did I tell you, dude; she's one of a kind." Nate smirked at Blair before turning back to Dan.

"Ugh, I can already tell you two are going to annoying the living hell out of me." She rolled her eyes, and started up the stairs aware that it was almost time for class to start. Before heading inside she turned around, addressing the both of them,

"We're sitting together at lunch today. So tell your 'boys' that you both have a very important date. I have questions for you, Brooklyn." She smiled at him to let him know she didn't plan on being that hostile.

Dan and Nate watched her go into the building before heading to theirs. As they walked, Dan turned to Nate,

"I didn't think something that small and pretty could be that fiery."

He stared at him for a minute, the pretty comment seemed to bother him and he didn't know why.

"Yeah, she's something else. But I think she likes you, so that's good. And I think you'll like her, too."

Dan nodded, agreeing. What he didn't know at the time is just how much he would like her.

That was four years ago, and the three of them had been undividable since those first few moments on the steps. Blair had learned to appreciate Dan's humor and wit, and he liked that she could take what he dished out. And he soon learned that there was a lot more to her than most people thought.

The three of them sat in Dan's room on the eve of his departure. He was going to be the first to leave, stopping by to see his mom for a few days before he headed off to Yale. Nate and Blair would join him shortly after, but it was still weird sitting in his room when there seemed to be nothing in it.

"This is weird." Blair said as she neatly folded the last of his clothes and laid them in his suitcase on a chair.

"Why is it weird? You're going to see me four days."

"It's weird because the next time I see you, we'll be at Yale, Dan." She said it matter of factly and he couldn't help but laugh at her.

She rolled her eyes in his direction and threw a pillow at Nate who was sitting on the floor, zoned out still getting over the last hit he took a few minutes ago.

"You are so completely useless sometimes, Nate. Are you just going to sit there like a vegetable on Dan's last night?"

He stared up blankly at Blair and shook his head at her.

"We're living together, Blair. I think I can handle the four days away from him. When did you get so co-dependent?" He sounded irritated and she glowered at him.

They had spent almost the entire day together just wandering around the city and hitting all the spots that Dan wanted to see one last time before heading off to school. Blair had been a weepy mess most of the time, and neither of them really understood why. Every time they would ask what her deal was, all she would do was mumble something about them not understanding because they weren't programmed to.

It was a little after one am and Nate's phone went off. It was the ringtone set for his father and he groaned when he heard it. He pulled his phone out and reluctantly pressed the answer button.

"Yeah, I know what time it is. Shit, Dad, are you really making me go to that? I got into the school, why do I need to keep schmoozing? Whatever, fine. I'll be home in thirty minutes."

He shoved his phone back in annoyance and stood up scowling.

"The Captain, I have to go golfing with some Yale alumni tomorrow morning and he wants me home so I don't look 'haggard' at the ass crack of dawn."

Blair snorted, "Doesn't he know that's just how you always look?"

He pretended to be hurt for a second but laughed a moment later. He walked over to Dan and they awkwardly hugged before they were interrupted by Blair's sniffling. They both turned over to look and her and groaned. She was standing on the other side of the bed wiping away tears trying to make it appear as if she hadn't been crying.

"For God's sake, Blair, you'll see me in four days. Stop being so bizarre."

She crossed her arms over her chest and watched the two boys say their temporary goodbyes.

Nate bumped fists with Dan and grinned,

"I hope Yale's ready for us, bro. This campus isn't going to know what hit them when I show up and we take over. Have a safe drive, try not to kill your mom; I don't want to room with a criminal."

Dan shoved him away and laughed placing the last of his things into a box. Nate walked over to a now more composed Blair and put an arm around her, pulling her close into him and lightly kissing the top of her head.

"Don't cry anymore, you're being a huge baby. I'll call you after I'm done golfing, assuming I make it out alive, and you can help me pack."

She clapped her hands together in faux joy and watched Nate close Dan's door, hearing him say his goodbyes to Rufus as well. Dan and Blair stood in silence for a minute before she walked over and sat down on the bed next to his box. He moved the box and sat down next to her. Blair avoided looking directly at him afraid she would break down again. He sighed and pulled her a hug.

"Oh come on, Blair. You act like I'm going across the country or something. What are you so upset about?"

She rested her head on his shoulder and chewed on her bottom lip.

"I'm just scared."

He was confused. "About?"

"About things never being the same again. I'm scared I'm going to lose one, or God forbid, both of you. And I just can't handle that, you guys are my support system."

He hugged her even tighter than before, hearing those words made him upset.

"Hey, don't think like that. I'll speak for both Nate and myself, because I know he would say the same thing, there's no way in hell you'll lose either of us. We didn't stick with you for this long just to toss you aside now." He was hoping his joke would lighten the mood, and was relieved when she laughed quietly.

"I know I'm being stupid, it's just me being a girl. Sorry"

He wiped a tear away from her cheek and shook his head, "Don't be, it's okay. I just hate seeing you upset. Where's my favorite package of girly evil?"

Blair playfully hit his leg and laughed, trying her best not to think about what may or may not change.

"Am I always going to be your only mini-Medusa?"

"Always, I promise."

She turned to look up at him, and he could see the tears brimming in her eyes. He stared back at her, unsure of what to do. He fumbled with his hands and looked at her again, opening his mouth to say something but stopped himself. She looked at him oddly.

"What?"

"You looked like you were going to say something."

"No..I mean, I was but..forget it, it's not important."

She groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose shaking her head.

"You always do this. Just spit it out, Humphrey. It's not going to kill you"

He looked at her for what seemed like an eternity. She was the only girl who ever made him this nervous, even though most of the time he could control himself. He wasn't sure what it was about tonight in particular that left him feeling like he was helpless in her presence. She started to say something but before the words could even leave her mouth, she felt his lips crash against hers.

At first Blair had no idea how to react to what was happening. It had been years since they had done this, kissed. There was a period during tenth grade where they had found themselves sneaking these kinds of kisses from each other, but stopped it when they decided that risking their friendship wasn't worth it.

Her first instinct was to pull back and ask him what the hell he was doing, but she didn't. She couldn't. Instead, she grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer, intensifying the kiss. Blair was sitting here kissing one of her best friends, and it didn't feel as weird as it had in the years before.

Their lips stayed locked for a few minutes before he pulled back, breathless. There were about a thousand questions in her eyes when he looked into them, and he was sure that he wore a similar expression. She bit her bottom lip and tried to smile weakly.

"You were right, that didn't kill me. Heart's still beating and everything."

She rolled her eyes and shoved him back down onto his bed, crawling on top of him, finding his lips and continuing what had been interrupted earlier. She felt his hands move to her waist and rest there lightly. She began to place open mouthed kisses along his neck and he let himself get in the moment for a minute before snapping back into reality. He could tell what direction this might head into and he grabbed her arms and pulled her off him.

She stared at him, confused and hurt.

"Blair…" He said kindly.

"No, I get it. You don't want this. You shouldn't just kiss a girl and then stop her when.."

He held his hand up over her mouth to shut her up.

"That's not it at all, that's not even close. But I know you and I know this isn't how you want…things…to happen. I know that you're in a weird state of mind right now and I would just hate for you to regret anything."

She stared at him and sighed, lying back down next to him, propping herself up on her elbow.

"Only you, Dan Humphrey, would stop a girl from having sex with you. Can't you just be a normal guy for once?"

He chuckled and drew her closer to him. She rested her head on his chest and drew circles with her finger on his stomach.

"That's too important to you, and if it's important to you, then it's important to me. I know you'd wake up in the morning and freak out, and you don't need anymore stress."

She sighed and mumbled into shirt, "I hate you for knowing me so well. But thank you, for stopping me, I mean. And for kissing me, too."

His hands ran up and down her back in a soothing manner, and he kissed her head, smiling into it.

"I figured why the hell not, you could avoid me at school if it was too weird for you. And if it wasn't, we could both enjoy something that…"

"….didn't really mean anything" She finished his sentence and both of them winced a little bit, though neither could see one another's reaction.

"Yeah. Exactly."

Both of them laid in silence thinking about what just happened. It wasn't so much that they kissed, it was that this time there seemed to be some actual emotion behind it. Blair could feel her heart racing a mile a minute and prayed that Dan couldn't. He was too busy lost in his own thoughts about what had just occurred to notice much. Was he imaging these feelings for her?

No, he wasn't. He'd been fighting them for years and done his best to ignore them, just because there were too much on the line if he did finally let himself actually feel for her.

They both knew it meant much more than nothing, but neither of them was willing to admit that to each other. So they continued to lie there in their silence lost in their own worlds, thinking about each other.

She fell asleep first, he could feel her breathing grow steady and deep and it was soothing to him. It wasn't long until he joined her in the land of unconscious.

That was the first night he remembered dreaming about Blair.


	3. Awakening

**Author's Note:** Again, thank you all so much for your reviews! I'm really enjoying writing this story and I hope you enjoy reading it just as much. The ideas in my head are becoming more and more sorted out and hopefully that shows through the story and the characters. Happy reading!

**Disclaimer:** The only thing I own are my ideas, the characters and Gossip Girl are not mine.

Chapter 3 - Awakening

Blair Waldorf had goals, she hand plans, and she was going to be somebody. It seemed as if every aspect of her life was planned down to the very last, miniscule detail. She needed that control over her life to feel at peace, which she rarely did these days. But the thing about Blair is that if she set goals for herself, she was more than likely to achieve them. Her obsession with control began right around the time she began to notice a change in her parent's marriage. The fact that the way they looked at each other, touched each other, talked to each other, was different angered her. Mostly because there was nothing she could do about it. She watched their marriage fall apart, and when it did, she did too for a minute. But she was a Waldorf, and Waldorf's didn't fall apart for long. So she took control of every aspect of her life that she could – her grades, her social life, and her appearance. Sometimes it was exhausting being herself, but she wouldn't have it any other way. Most of the time.

She had told Nate about what had happened, and what had almost happened, with Dan on his last night. He had stared at her for a few seconds before bursting into laughter and she didn't understand his reaction.

"What! What's so funny?!"

Her eyes were wide and she looked exasperated. He did his best to control his laughter and tried to regain his composure,

"Is this going to be like tenth grade all over again? You two sneaking around and thinking no one knew about it?"

She rolled her eyes and threw a folded t-shirt at him to pack.

"No! I was highly emotional and I think he just wanted to get me to shut up. Why do you care anyway?"

Nate paused for a minute and zipped up a bag.

"I don't" He said flatly. His tone made her smirk.

"Jealous?"

"Yeah, of you. I've always dreamed of kissing Dan, he's so dreamy" He mocked her.

"You are such an ass sometimes, you know that?"

Nate shook his head and forced out a laugh, it didn't sound as natural as he wanted it to, but he hoped that Blair hadn't noticed. Why did the idea of Blair and Dan kissing bother him so much? It didn't even mean anything; at least he didn't think it did. He rubbed his eyes and decided he was thinking too much, and grabbed a joint off of his night stand and lit it.

The first two and a half months at Yale flew by, with new classes and new friends, Blair had seen little of her two best friends. They talked everyday; whether it was by text, phone, or actually in person, but she wasn't pleased about the amount of time that they had been spending together. Nate was busy with the fall lacrosse season and he had somehow convinced Dan to join a fraternity with him. She did nothing but laugh at him when he told her his plans to join, but soon found herself being coaxed into joining a sorority by her bubbly new roommate, Serena Van Der Woodsen.

At first Blair wasn't sure how exactly how well she would get along with Serena. The blonde instantly started talking the second Blair's mother left on the first day and didn't stop until they had both passed out do to sheer exhaustion that night. But she soon found that she really enjoyed her company, and it was nice to have a good girl friend again, someone who she could talk to about things that she wouldn't dare bring up to Nate or Dan. They both came from similar backgrounds and had horror stories about their pasts. Serena had bounced around a few boarding schools in New England before she finally settled at one in the middle of her junior year. She was the typical bad girl gone good. Their personalities were different, too. And Blair thought she needed that more than anything.

It was one of the last weekends before the term ended and they were scrambling to get ready to go out that night. They had promised some people that they would actually show up at a party before eleven that night, and it was proving to be a challenge. Blair's phone went off in the next room and she dashed into the living area to grab it before she missed the call, Nate's name flashed on the screen.

"We're almost done, I swear."

She could hear him sigh loudly on the other side of the line, and was surprised when she didn't hear any loud music or screaming people in the background.

"Wait, why is it so quiet? Did the cops already break it up? Ugh!"

He chuckled and she could hear him put his drink down when it clinked against the counter,

"Nah, I'm just chillin' in one of the many bathrooms in this place."

His words were slurring together slightly and she could tell he was definitely not on his first drink.

"Well we're going to be over in…" She walked back into the bathroom and looked at Serena, who then held up ten fingers and shrugged, "Maybe like, ten minutes?"

Blair heard someone yell Nate's name and she rolled her eyes,

"I'll let you go; sounds like you're in high demand."

"I've always got time for you, Waldorf. But hurry, I'm hiding some of the good stuff for you guys and I'm not sure how much longer I can hold off of drinking it."

She laughed and ended the call and finished up the last touches to her look that evening. The theme of the party that night was the letter 'B'. Blair had joked about just going as herself or as a bitch, but Serena thought it would be much more fun to dress up like Barbies.

They both had on various bright colors – Serena decided to take the Malibu Barbie route while Blair opted for more of a Mod Barbie look. She pulled the platinum blonde wig over her hair that had been pinned up and applied one last layer of lipgloss. Both girls checked themselves out in the mirror one last time and Serena laughed,

"We look bitchin, B!" She pulled Blair into a quick hug and then grabbed her hand, and the girls raced to the party on the other side of campus.

It was easy to find the place, Dan had told them to just look for the extra large house with people stumbling out of it. And sure enough, that was exactly what was happening. They walked into the party holding hands and their eyes scanned the room for familiar faces. The girls were surrounded by people dressed up in things that started with the letter B, and there was everything ranging from basketball players to a Boston Red Sox fan.

Serena squealed and Blair turned her attention to what she was looking at. Dan was making his way through the large crowd of people with drinks in his hand, they were unsure of what he was dressed as. They both had a confused look on their faces when he finally got to them. He laughed, obviously understanding their expressions. He pointed to his shirt that read "BARTENDER" and both girls laughed.

Serena and Dan had hit it off immediately upon meeting each other. She was fascinated by all the random things he seemed to know and appreciated his sense of humor. It made Blair a little jealous when she learned that they had been hanging out on their own but she just brushed it off. Why did she have a reason to be jealous? She was glad friends could get along so well. Nate and Serena, however, didn't get along as well. Nate's patience for her usually ran low and although they didn't dislike each other, they never made the effort to go out of their way to see one another. Serena had tried to get along better with him for the sake of Blair and Dan, but they just didn't seem to want to mesh.

Serena downed the drink Dan had given her in under thirty seconds, Blair took a little more time but finished it off pretty quickly as well, they both had some catching up to do with the rest of the attendees of the party. There had to be at least 100 people there. The music was playing loudly and people generally seemed to be having a good time

Blair grabbed another drink from a tray making its way around the room and zoned out on the conversation that Dan and Serena were having about a professor they both had. She tapped Dan's arm and the two of them turned their attention back to her.

"I'm going to go find Nate and say hi, but come find me later, okay?"

Dan put his arm around Blair's waist and squeezed her tightly, and she put her arm him returning the hug. He let go and squeezed her hand lightly and let his hand stay in hers for a little bit longer than he should have. Neither of them had really talked about that night, but they somehow seemed closer because of. Serena had made her sit down and explain her relationships with both Nate and Dan after spending the afternoon with them and not exactly understanding how their dynamic worked, but she soon caught on.

He watched her as she walked away from the two of them, turning around and blowing a kiss their way and they both laughed.

Blair mad her way slowly through the crowds of people looking for his slightly messy, golden brown-blonde hair. As she made her way around one of the sitting rooms, she heard someone whistle and stopped in her tracks, spinning around to meet the chauvinistic pig with a death glare, but instead she grinned when she saw Nate sitting on a couch with a bunch of his friends. She put her hand on her waist and tilted her head and pursed her lips.

"That's no way to treat a lady."

Nate was dressed up as a baseball player, and was surrounded by a bunch of ballers, boarders, and some guy dressed as a banana. His smile was crooked as he looked at her and he beckoned her over with his hand. Blair walked over and sat on the coffee table across from Nate.

"Guys, this is Blair Waldorf. Blair, these are some of the guys…" He proceeded to list off all their names but she knew there was no way she was going to remember them anyway, so she just nodded and said hi to each.

"Let me guess, a Barbie?"

She nodded and took another sip of her drink, crossing her legs.

"Baseball player? Shocking, really" She teased.

"Why are you sitting on the table? Get over here." He grabbed her wrists and pulled her into his lap.

She could smell the whiskey on his breath mixed with the weed he had probably smoked a few minutes earlier. Nate had many different kinds of drunk, and tonight he was clearly feeling affectionate. Blair made herself a little more comfortable on his lap and she felt his breath on her ear,

"You look good. But you always look good, so..you know, yeah."

She laughed at his pathetic attempt to string coherent thoughts together and adjusted herself so she could face him better.

"Thanks, I know." She beamed and he laughed, tucking a strand of her wig behind her ear.

"I dig you as a blonde, too."

"Sadly for you, it's only temporary"

She followed his gaze down her exposed legs and nudged him,

"Stop it; I can practically hear what you're thinking."

Nate grinned sheepishly and shrugged, and she rolled her eyes in response. She moved out of his lap and back onto her feet again,

"I have people to meet and conversations to pretend to be interested in! I'll find you before I leave, behave yourself."

She gave him a light kiss on the cheek and walked away, holding Nate's attention the entire time she did. One of his friends nudged his side and gave him a look, and he stared back blankly. He wasn't sure if it was the mix of pot and alcohol that didn't let any words of protest come out of his mouth, or because he really didn't have a reason to challenge the look. Nate took a long sip of his drink and settled back into the couch, trying to find a distraction.

Blair had found Serena and Dan again, but they were separated at that point. The girls made their way to the dance floor after a few more drinks and got lost in a sea of people all dancing to the same song, yet not that same beat. After dancing with each other for a bit, turning down many eager college boys, Blair announced she was going to the bar again to get something to drink. Serena waved her off and zeroed in on one of Nate's fraternity brothers.

The bar was just as crowded as it had been earlier in the evening, and Blair squeezed her way over to a less populated are and tapped her fingers on the wood impatiently. A guy dressed as a banker next to her noticed and smirked at her,

"In a hurry, are we?"

She looked over at the stranger talking to her and shrugged,

"Sort of, I don't like waiting."

The stranger snapped his fingers and one of the bartenders looked up and nodded at him. He eyed Blair out of the corner of his eye,

"The lady needs a drink."

Blair smiled sweetly as she told him her order and she had the drink within twenty seconds. She turned to face the banker,

"Thanks, nice costume! Kind of weird to wear a suit to a party, but whatever."

The stranger smirked and held out his hand,

"Anthony."

She took it and shook it lightly,

"Blair."

The two sat at the bar for a bit, talking about their classes and how school had been for them so far. Blair noticed that he kept moving closer and closer and she did her best to back away, but he seemed to always find a way to inch nearer to her. She laughed uncomfortably when he was centimeters away, his lips trying to find hers.

"I should go, my friend is probably wondering where I am."

As she stood to get up and leave, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down.

"But we're not finished talking yet."

Blair tried again to get up and yank her arm out of his grip, but he just tightened it. He moved so he was in front of her, leaning in closer, trapping her body between himself and the bar. No one seemed to notice what was going on, it probably just looked normal to everyone. He bent down and whispered into her ear,

"How about we take this somewhere else?"

Fear overtook Blair's eyes and she struggled against him, trying her best to duck under his arms that were now on both sides of her. Anthony grabbed both of her wrists and pulled her closer, trying to move her off of the bar stool. Just as she was about to scream for help, a pair of arms pulled Anthony off of her and she looked up to see Nate standing behind them with a look of pure rage in his eyes.

"What the hell do you think you're doing man?" His voice was loud and tense.

"Just chatting, it's harmless. Don't get so bent out of shape."

"It didn't look harmless, you jackass."

"She's fine, she's just overreacting. We were just on our way out, to go somewhere a little more…" Anthony lowered his voice, "Private." He smirked at Nate.

Nate felt his teeth grinding together and the next thing he knew, his fist was flying into Anthony's face with such force that it knocked him over completely. All the attention was now on the scene that had just happened, and Blair spotted Serena pushing her way through the people to get to her. The second she reached her, she pulled Blair into a protective hug and dragged her away from the bar.

Dan forced his way through people and picked Anthony off the floor, shoving him toward the door. He looked just as angry as Nate.

"You need to leave. Now. And you better hope to God I don't ever fucking see you again."

Anthony wiped the blood off of his face and glared at both Nate and Dan, and turned to Blair as he walked out, pausing.

"You shouldn't be such a tease, shit like this happens. Think about that the next time you decide to go to a party dressed like a slut."

Nate began to charge at him again, but was held back by some of his friends. Dan wheeled around to face him and stared at him with fury,

"Get the fuck out right now, or I swear I'll call the cops and they'll be on your ass so fast you'll have no idea what hit you."

A few random party goers helped move Anthony out and both Dan and Nate rushed over to the two girls. Blair was trying her best to hold it together because she didn't want to cause even more of a scene. Dan opened his mouth but she cut him off.

"I'm fine, he didn't hurt me. I'll be okay, thank you. Both of you."

She turned to Nate and smiled and then back to Dan again. Serena let her grip on Blair loosen a little.

"We should go."

Blair moved out of Serena's grasp and turned to face her.

"No! We can stay, we've only been here for a little bit and that guy's gone, I swear I'm okay."

Nate rolled his eyes and put his arm around her shoulders. He looked at Dan and Serena,

"You two stay, I've been at this party for fucking every anyway and now I'm all heated and sobered up anyway. I'll take her back to her place and make sure she gets there okay."

Dan began to protest and then stopped.

"Y-yeah, okay." He sounded disappointed.

"Text me when you get back, B?"

Blair nodded and tried to move out of Nate's arm to say goodbye to her friends. He grabbed her hand instead, and she awkwardly hugged both Dan and Serena before leaving.

The two of them were silent for the first few minutes of the walk back, the only sound was the clicking of Blair's stilettos against the pavement. Nate had laced his fingers with hers and would squeeze her hand every once in a while to make sure she was still alright.

"Thank you, again. You're always cleaning up my messes."

Nate shrugged and pulled her a little closer to him as a few drunken guys walked by.

"What are friends for?"

She looked up at him; he was still much taller than her even in her heels, and tried to read his expression. He almost looked frustrated about something, and she could tell he was still trying to calm himself down.

They reached her dorm and she fumbled with the key, only having one hand to find it and unlock the door with. She half stumbled inside, because she was still a little faded and pretty exhausted.

"You can let go of my hand now."

He laughed lightly and dropped her hand, and she walked into her bedroom looking for something to change into. He stood in her doorway watching her scramble around her room. Too tired to wash off her make up, she pulled off her wig and undid her hair, letting it fall into loose curls. She stripped out of her costume and stood in there in her barely there undergarments before slipping into a pair of sleeping shorts and a Yale t-shirt. Nate felt his breath hitch watching this, and she turned around to face him, unaware of the fact that he'd been watching he the entire time.

She bit her lower lip and looked at the floor.

"Do you think you could stay? It'll make me feel a lot better."

Blair was afraid to meet his eyes in case she saw any sign of hesitation. But no less than a second later she heard him speak.

"Of course, anything for you. I was going to ask if I could, anyway. It would make me feel better to know that you're safe."

He let her crawl into bed first before sitting on the other side of it and removed his shoes. Nate slipped under the covers and Blair watched him. They looked at each other for a second before Blair sat up and moved a strand of his hair out of his eyes. She stared into the blue for a minute, and then on impulse, found her lips against his. He put his hand on her waist and pulled her in closer for a minute. She pulled back and looked at him awkwardly. He raised an eyebrow.

"What was that for?"

She shrugged and laid back down, "I don't know, a lot. Just think of it as an overdue thank you or something."

Nate turned off the light next to her bed and settled in next to her. He felt her turn so that she was facing him and he moved his head to get a better view. He wrapped an arm around her and she draped an arm lazily across his chest.

"Goodnight, princess. Don't worry about anything right now; you'll be safe and sound."

She sighed and nodded, drifting off easily to sleep thanks to the alcohol and night's events. He laid awake a little bit longer, watching her in a hopefully dreamless sleep.

This girl had such a hold on him, and she didn't even know it.


	4. Tightrope

**Author's Note:** I'm so sorry for the delay between chapters! I had a pretty busy weekend and I was unable to sit down and write until this evening. All your reviews mean so much to me, so thank you for those. This is NOT going to turn into a Nate/Blair and Dan/Serena story, it will continue to be a Nate/Blair/Dan one. I'll probably be introducing Chuck within the next chapter or two. I'm hoping to get another chapter out tonight, but it all depends on how it seems to flow. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy!**  
**

**Disclaimer:** The only thing I own are my ideas, the characters and Gossip Girl are not mine.

Chapter 4 -Tightrope

She could feel herself wearing thin. Blair would be lying to herself if she claimed to not have feelings for not only Nate, but Dan, too. They had always been there but she had just picked the path of ignoring them completely. Winter break had gone by quickly, and she saw little of both boys. It wasn't that she was avoiding them, but she had planned an oh-so convenient trip up to visit Serena in Connecticut for a week, another week in Sun Valley with her family, and she spent the other two weeks in New York visiting with new and old friends besides the two of them. Sure, they ran into each other at parties, but she always seemed to find someone else to either throw at one of the boys or something that needed to be done elsewhere.

The same kind of avoidance game went on for the first month of school. Dan was harder to hide from since he and Serena had become good friends over the first term of school. He was always popping up at their dorm, either looking for her or Serena. Blair would always excuse herself saying she had reading to finish or a paper to write when he showed up. But today was a different story.

The doorbell rang while she was in the middle of making a small salad for herself. It rang again while she was taking her sweet time to answer it. With a look of annoyance, she threw open the door expecting not expecting to see Dan standing in front of her, he didn't usually come over until later in the day. She stared at him for a second before he spoke.

"Hey, can I come in?"

"Serena's not here, she has some study group thing and she won't be back for another thirty minutes or so. Do you want me to tell her you stopped by?"

Dan shot a glance at her and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I'm not here to see Serena."

Blair felt her stomach turn and she sighed, stepping to the side to let him in, shutting the door behind him. Dan sat down on the couch and looked restless, not saying anything.

"Are you just going to sit there? I have things to do and…"

He looked up at her, she was still standing by the door as if she was waiting for the first moment there was to open it and send him on his way.

"What's the deal, Blair?"

She was very aware of what he was talking about, but she decided to go with playing dumb at first.

"Hm?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned, getting irritated. Dan knew she knew what he was referring to and it frustrated him even more to know that she was trying to avoid this.

"Oh come on. You know what I'm talking about. We've barely spoken in the past two months, I feel like I did something to you and you're pissed or something. No, it's not even that, I know when you're pissed at me. I don't even know what this is."

His voice got angrier and angrier as he rambled on, he didn't realize how much this really tore him up inside until he looked up again to see her standing there, a slight frown painted on her face.

"Blair, I need you to tell me what's going on with you before I lose my mind."

She had moved closer to him, sitting in a chair next to the couch he was on. He didn't know what she thinking based on her expression alone, and this was new to him.

"I kissed Nate."

Dan prayed that his face didn't give him away at that moment, and he said a silent thank you when Blair's face didn't change.

"And?"

Her brows furrowed, now she was the confused one.

"Aren't you upset?"

He took a deep breath and when he could think of no words to say, he just shrugged. She rolled her eyes. That was so typical Dan. To use non verbal communication and hope that that was enough.

"Use your words, college boy."

Dan ran his hand through his short hair and attempted to think of the right words to say, he had to be careful.

"I guess."

"You guess? Wow, thanks for the insight."

"Look, I know you two have something - whatever it is - that I could never touch. At first I hoped it was just this insanely close friendship, like he was your brother or something, but clearly that's not the case."

Blair twirled the ruby ring around her finger out of nervousness; she wasn't really sure what to say to him. Inside she was screaming at herself to tell him the truth, the real truth, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"It was just a kiss, Dan."

"Was it?"

The two stared at one another for what seemed like an eternity before Blair figured she better be honest with him, she owed him that much.

"No, it wasn't. But when I kissed you, it wasn't just a kiss either. I don't know what's going on in my head right now –it's all really confusing and I don't know who I can talk to about it, so I've just been evading it. There's something there with you, but there's also something there for him. I'm sick of ignoring it, but at the same time there's nothing I can do but that."

Dan stared at her, waiting for her to finish so he could process the information. That wasn't what he expected to come out of her mouth.

"I see."

Smooth.

"God, Dan! That's all you're going to give me? You're so infuriating. You're good with words so spit something out."

He didn't know what to say, she was confused enough already and he didn't want to make things worse for her, so he just sat there.

"What should we do about…us?" Was there even a them?

"Nothing. There is nothing to do other than just be friends. It's worked out pretty well for the past four years, why break something when we don't need to?"

He nodded, feeling a little numb. That wasn't what he was hoping for.

"Maybe you should ask Serena out, you seem to make her laugh."

Dan was too lost in his own thoughts to really process what she was suggesting.

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want."

At this point, Blair was blinking back tears. Thankfully, as if right on cue, her best girl friend burst through the door, already complaining about some test she was probably going to fail. Blair had never loved Serena so much for being Serena more than she did now, since she was completely oblivious to the fact that there was tension hanging heavily in the air.

"WHAT is the point of college if they make it so impossible to do well!? I'm going to flunk out of this class, I just know it…"

She went on babbling for another minute or two but neither of them was really paying attention to what she was saying. The silence snapped Blair out her trance and she plastered a fake smile on her face.

"Thanks for reminding me, S. I've got a quiz tomorrow and I need to go over some reading for the 50th time."

Dan eyed her and stood up as she did, he wanted to reach out and grab her hand and try to convince her that maybe trying out this whole more than friends, for real, wouldn't be such a bad thing. But she darted into her room too quickly, shutting the door, and he was standing there alone with Serena. She looked at Dan and gave him a genuine smile.

"Hey, want to grab something to eat? I need some food in my system before I pull an all nighter for this baby."

He managed to force out a chuckle and nodded, remembering what Blair had said to him about spending more time with Serena.

He picked and prodded at his food all throughout dinner. Serena had been chatting away about her day, and was just as bubbly as she normally was. She elbowed Dan in the side when he ignored another one of her questions due to spacing out. He kept replaying the conversation with Blair over and over in his head, wishing he had said something, anything, differently.

"Helllllo, earth to Dan Humphrey?"

Dan set his fork down and gave Serena an apologetic smile.

"Sorry. I'm terrible company right now, I know."

"Am I boring you?"

He laughed, as if she could ever bore anyone.

"Hey! That was a serious question!"

"I know, I know. No, you're not boring me. I've just got some stuff on my mind."

Serena turned to face him, resting her elbow on the table and propping her head on her hand.

"Spill it, I've been told I'm an excellent listener."

He hesitated at first, and then decided what the hell; he might as well dance around the issue.

"Has Blair seemed off to you lately?"

She looked off into the distance, as if she was looking for the right answer.

"Not really, no. I think she's jus stressed about all this school stuff, and the sorority has been pretty demanding lately, too. Why?"

He shrugged, not wanting to press on the issue any further.

"There has to be a reason why you asked."

"She just seems distant lately, and I think she's a little upset with me. It aggravates me because we can always talk about this sort of stuff, and it's like there's this block there."

Serena looked legitimately concerned, which he appreciated. If anyone knew Blair better than Dan and Nate, it was her.

"What do you mean a block?"

"Like there's something I should say but I can't, or I won't. I don't know which."

She stared at him thoughtfully, trying to read his face, hoping her questions would eventually lead to the answer he was looking for.

"Why won't you…or why can't you?"

He rubbed his eyes and leaned back in the booth.

"It would just complicate things, and her life is hard enough as is without me running my mouth. It's better if I just stay quiet."

Serena smiled knowingly at him, and he looked at her, confused.

"What?"

"That's very unselfish of you, to keep something like that to yourself. You must really love her."

Dan almost spit out his drink.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I'm right, aren't I? You wouldn't look like that if I wasn't."

He put his head in his hands and sighed, avoiding any sort of eye contact with the blonde sitting next to him who had called him spot on.

"Don't tell her, please. It would mess up everything."

Serena took that as an obviously confirmation and happily ate the rest of her dinner while Dan sat in silence figuring out what the hell he was going to do.

Meanwhile, Blair was doing her best to concentrate on the book in front of her, but she was having a hard time focusing. Her phone vibrated next to her and she glanced to see a new message, from Nate.

_Feels like it's been forever, what are you up to? And don't say studying._

She laughed quietly and quickly responded.

_Studying, sorority stuff, more studying. You?_

Blair had read maybe a paragraph before her phone buzzed again.

_Frat shit, lax shit, getting shit faced. You need a break, let's hang out tonight._

Her stomach churned and she texted him back,

_No, now isn't a good time. Not feeling too well, I'm going to read a few more chapters and sleep. Night!_

After not receiving any messages from him within the next few minutes, she decided her little white lie had worked and went back to finishing up her reading for the night. About twenty minutes later, she heard the door open and she prayed that Serena was alone.

"Serena? Is that you?"

There was no response and just as soon as she got up to open her door to see who it was, someone turned the handle and pushed it open slightly. Blair jumped back onto her bed and her face must have looked pretty amusing, because the second Nate stepped through the door he burst into laughter.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. But I come with gifts! Well, gift." Nate held up a bag with soup in it, "You said you weren't feeling well, and I figured you probably hadn't had much to eat tonight, so I wanted to bring this by and check on you."

He sat next to her on the bed and handed her the soup. Nate placed the back of his hand on her forehead,

"You don't feel too warm, it's probably nothing serious."

She smiled weakly at him, still recovering from the initial shock of seeing him in her room and him scaring her half to death.

"You okay, you look kind of pale? Maybe you are getting sick…"

"I'm fine. I've just had a stressful day."

"Do you want to talk about it?

She bit her lower lip and looked up at him; his blue eyes were unusually clear and not at all glossed over like she was used to.

"It's…complicated."

He laughed and shook his head, when was her life not complicated?

"Well luckily for you, I haven't smoked a joint in at least 12 hours so I'm pretty clear headed. Anything I can do?"

Blair couldn't help but roll her eyes at him; only Nate would consider going 12 hours without lighting up an achievement.

"About that kiss…."

"What, do you want a round 2?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively and she hit his arm.

"Nate! I'm being serious."

"So am I."

She groaned and fell backwards onto her bed; he laughed and grabbed her arms, pulling her back into an upright position.

"Alright, alright. Go on. What about it?"

"Did it…mean anything to you? Or was it just like, you know…"

Nate slowly laced his fingers with hers but she pulled back, he looked at her, puzzled. She was waiting for his answer.

"To be honest? Yeah."

Blair took a deep breath and rubbed her temples, there was a small part of her that wished he had something else.

"Are you okay?"

She shook her head and fought to find the words she wanted to say.

"This is bad."

"Why?"

"Because, it just makes things messy."

"How? Blair, I don't think you know how much I've wanted that to happen. You have this grasp on me and…"

She stood up and walked over to the other side of the room, tightly crossing her arms over her chest, not daring to look at him fearing that her expression would give her away in a second. This boy made her so weak.

"Stop. Don't say anything more."

"But Blair –"

"Nate, no. Just trust me when I say that it's better if you don't."

His heart sank. She didn't want him? Had it really been all in his head the whole time? He had to ask.

"Did it mean nothing to you?"

Her brown eyes met his blue ones and she had to look away quickly before she said things she shouldn't.

"No, it meant everything. And that's the problem."

Nate couldn't help but feel a little relieved, but he was still confused.

"Why?"

"It would be fair to either of you if I tried to start something with one of you."

He wracked his brain trying to figure out what she was talking about, and then it hit him. Dan.

"Oh."

"Please, don't hate me."

He muttered under his breath, "I don't think I could."

They both heard the door open, and Serena's heels click against the hardwood floor. Blair stiffened and Nate stood up, figuring it would be better if he left. He walked over to her and before she knew it, his lips were against hers. Blair let herself enjoy it for a second before pushing his tall frame away,

"Nate, no! You need to go."

She opened the door and softly pushed him out. He turned around to look at her before he walked out the door and she stared back, with nothing but questions written all over her face.

Nate took the longest way possible back to his dorm, not really sure if he was ready to face Dan. It took all of ten minutes to get back and he groaned when he saw his building come into view. It hadn't been enough time to process his thoughts, but it was below freezing and getting late, so he went inside.

Dan was staring at the television but not really watching it, there was some infomercial on about a grill and he figured something mindless is exactly what he needed at the moment. The sound of the door unlocking and opening startled him and he looked up to see Nate. Who else would it have been?

The troubled expression on Nate's face was one that Dan knew all too well, it was the kind of look you got when Blair Waldorf took a piece of your heart that you would never get back. Nate looked up from the floor and at his best friend's face, their appearances were almost identical.

The taller, blonder one grabbed two beers from the fridge in the kitchen and sat back down next to the brunette. He handed Dan the open beer and they both took a large swig at the same time. The two boys sat in stillness waiting for the other one to speak. Nate looked straight at the television; they were cooking chicken on it.

"I love her too, you know."

Dan took a large sip of his drink and set it down, not taking his eyes off the screen the entire time.

"Yeah, I do."


	5. Temporary

**Author's Note:** Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reviews! I love hearing from you guys so much and I'll never get sick of thanking you for them. They really mean so much. This chapter is different than others; it's pretty light on dialogue and is mostly internal thoughts and describing events. It's also a bit short compared to the others because of this. But I just needed a way to transition into the next part(s) of the story. I'm hoping I'll be able to get another chapter posted tonight. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** The only thing I own are my ideas, the characters and Gossip Girl are not mine.

Chapter 5 – Temporary

They had banned her from being a topic of conversation, it was the only way they knew how to get past this and still remain as close as they were. It was hard at first, one of them would see something that would remind him of her and would go to say something about it, and the other one would stiffen as the first sound of her name managed to escape. She had refused to see either of them for a few weeks, mostly because she had claimed this was somehow all her fault and she wanted to fix it.

Blair had stopped by a couple of days after she had pushed each of them out her door, looking more somber than ever. She was just as put together as always, but there was something off about her. After sitting them both down on the couch she paced before Dan cleared his throat, snapping her out of her trance. She folded her arms over her chest and sighed.

"I think it would be best for all of us if I removed myself from your lives until whatever this is blows over."

The two boys stared at her in slight disbelief. How was that going to help anything? It would probably just make things worse because they would both sit there and think of her, and nothing but. The looks on their faces prompted her to continue.

"I know, it sucks, but I can't think of anything else and I'm not about to be the reason you two end a friendship."

Nate began to protest but she held up a hand signaling him to stop.

"We'll figure it out, we always do. But you both should date other people, get over whatever you may be feeling, and it'll make things a lot easier. I'll be scarce, I mean, I won't go out of my way to avoid you but I'm certainly not going to be popping by everyday forcing you to read my essays or paraphrase something about law or business that I'd never understand if it weren't for you."

She made her way toward the door quickly, not wanting to give them any time to refute what she had just said. Blair had gone over this speech in her head twenty times on her way over, making sure it was perfect. It wasn't, but it would do. Her small hand grabbed the doorknob and she pulled it open, turning around before she left.

"You know what they say 'Out of sight, out of mind.'" She smiled weakly and shrugged, "It's the only way to get over all this."

But they both knew Blair Waldorf wasn't the type of girl anyone got over.

They did what she asked them to. At first, they both sat in their apartments and wallowed around, but not really saying much to each other. They both began to start putting hours of extra effort into their schoolwork because it gave them something to do other than sit in front of the television in a comatose state. It was weird, going through this together, because they couldn't really talk about how miserable they both were.

When Nate wasn't spending more time on homework than he ever had in his life, he was occupying himself with lacrosse or smoking. He had been trying to cut down before because he knew Blair hated it, but now that she was out of the picture for the moment, his clothes began to smell more and more like the old mix of pot, cologne, and toothpaste as it had in the past.

Dan got more involved in the fraternity that he and Nate belonged to and found that it was easier for him to work on his novel when his emotions seemed to be spiraling out of control. He would shut himself in his room for hours at a time doing nothing but writing. If Dan didn't have something to do, to keep his mind busy, he would go insane.

The funny thing about all of this is that the two of them actually became closer. There was this peculiar unspoken communication thing they had developed and sometimes it felt as if they only really had each other, like no one else knew what it was like to love the same girl your best friend did, only to have her reject both of you.

It was nearing the end of March and Spring Break was rapidly approaching, they were both going to head down to Mexico with their fraternity. It was a welcome diversion from their daily grind. Dan had found out through Serena that she and Blair, along with some of their friends, would be spending break in the Bahamas.

They were both packing the night before their departure when Nate stumbled across a picture of the three of them taken at a party earlier in the year. He had pushed the frame into the back of his drawer because it felt too strange to look at it on a daily basis. He stared at it for a while before he felt Dan next to him, and he grabbed the picture from Nate's grip and put it back in the drawer. Nate looked at him and shook his head. Dan sighed,

"You know, when it comes down to it, she's just a girl, man."

Nate ran his hands through his hair and shrugged.

They both stood there knowing that she was anything but that.

When they got back from break, the lacrosse season was in full swing and Nate had barely any time to breathe. It had been months since he had really last spoken to Blair. He would get an occasional text message congratulating him on a win or asking how he was doing after a rare loss. People might think it would be hard to miss her when he had so much else going on, but he still did.

Dan had somehow convinced Blair to edit some parts of the novel he was working on, plus papers. They never actually had much face-to-face contact, but she had always been the one he went to when he needed things like these done. She seemed to have an insight on what was going through his head, and often helped him when he was stuck. Her e-mails and phone calls were usually impersonal, but every once and a while she would get going on a part of his paper or a chapter that he had written and he couldn't get her to shut up. It was almost like things were normal again, almost.

They all dated around because they figured they owed it to themselves to try.

Dan dated girls who had little to offer to conversations, most of the time they just smiled and nodded, and when they did speak it was about how Yale weather made their hair fall flat. He wondered how these girls had managed to get into the school, but when they started talking about daddy's multi million dollar contribution to the library, he understood. He liked that most of these girls were hardly serious at first, it was different to be around someone who seemed to care so little about what their future held. Then it got boring and he ended it.

He saw Blair out one night at a restaurant while he was on his third date with a girl named Annie. She was with the typical East Coast born and bred type – old money, nice clothes, very put together. And she was laughing. Serena had mentioned something to Dan about Blair having a new boyfriend, Jason or something. She was touching his arm and leaning across the table as he spoke. In typical Blair fashion, she stole everyone's attention when she got up and excused herself to go to the restroom. She was still as stunning as usual. Dan could have sworn she actually looked content. But then he caught her eye as she passed, and she turned her attention to him. She smiled faintly and he looked at her eyes, they weren't happy.

Dan didn't go out with Annie again and Blair stopped returning Jason's calls.

Nate found himself resorting back to his old high school ways – new night, new girl. This went on for a few weeks before he decided it was stupid to do that, and he tried actually getting to know them instead. He dated girls with blonde hair, never brunettes. They didn't have dimples that appeared when they laughed or smiled, their skin was usually unnaturally dark for that part of the country, and when they spoke it sounded more like a proposition than actual conversation. He never went out with someone longer than a few weeks. He always dated girls who would let him have his way; he liked not having a challenge for a bit. It was nice dating girls who didn't make everything a challenge for him. He would grow tired of their constant babbling and the flat personalities, and he would end it.

It was one of the last games of the regular season and that's when his heart almost leaped out of his chest. She was there, sitting and watching. She wasn't alone. Next to her was a guy with dark hair and bright green eyes. Dan had casually mentioned something to Nate about Blair dating someone new, Michael or Milton or something. He hadn't really paid attention. But there she was, feet away from him, with another guy. She seemed to be paying attention to the game, a sport she had grown to almost love over their course of their friendship. He was talking into her ear about something and she didn't seem to be paying attention to him. The strange new guy grabbed her hand near the end and she smiled sweetly at him. Nate's heart sunk, she had moved on.

After the game he felt a small hand grab his arm, he turned around and almost spit out his Gatorade. It was her. She still looked like the same Blair, but there was something different about her. It had been months since he'd been this close to her. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull her into a tight hug, but when they guy standing very closely next to her cleared his throat, he snapped back into reality.

"Nate, this is Mitchell Stanford. Mitchell, Nate Archibald."

"Ah, so this is the Nate the Great I've heard so much about." Mitchell stuck out his hand and Nate grabbed it, shaking it for a moment before he let it drop.

Blair's phone rang and she smiled apologetically at both of the men standing in front of her,

"It's Serena, he's probably freaking out about this big date she has tonight and I need to calm her down. I'll be back in five minutes, okay?"

Mitchell gave her a light kiss on the cheek and Nate tried his best not to cringe. They both watched her as she walked away. The two of them stood there awkwardly for a moment before Mitchell spoke,

"So, you've known Blair forever, huh?"

"Yep." Nate wasn't in the mood to encourage small talk.

Mitchell laughed, shaking his head.

"She can be quite the piece of work, it's been an..experience dating her."

Nate just stared at him, then finally said,

"She's not a piece of work; you just have to really know her to get her."

Mitchell shrugged and turned around, seeing that Blair was a few feet behind them.

"That girl is insane sometimes, but you have to love her! Sorry about that."

Mitchell smiled and then turned to Blair,

"I'm going to go get the car, I'll be back in about two minutes, don't go anywhere."

He walked away and Nate let out a sigh of relief. Blair eyed him oddly,

"What was that for?"

"I don't like him, at all." Nate said bluntly.

She frowned and pursed her lips together,

"I didn't ask if you liked him or not."

He shrugged, taking another sip of his sports drink.

"You're way out of his league."

She glared at him and rolled her eyes as the sound of a car horn filled the air. Mitchell was waiting to leave. She sighed and turned to walk away, pausing before she got too close to the car,

"It was good seeing you."

She shut the door and Nate knew she was being sincere. His current flavor of the week walked over to him and purred something into his ear. His expression didn't change and he turned to the girl standing next to him,

"Yeah, it's not going to work."

Nate left the girl standing there in a state of confusion, but he didn't care.

Blair broke up with Mitchell two days later.


	6. Undertow

**Author's Note:** Again, sorry for the delay between chapters. I caught the flu and this semester is really starting to eat up some of my writing time. As always, the reviews are wonderful and I love you guys for submitting them, it really encourages me to keep writing. This chapter, like the last one, is shorter. I think I still need another one or two transitory chapters before I get into the next part of this story. Feedback/comments are always appreciated. Happy reading!

**Disclaimer:** The only thing I own are my ideas, the characters and Gossip Girl are not mine.

Chapter 6 - Undertow

Their first year at Yale was behind them, as was their first summer as college students. The last month of school had been a time for rebuilding what the three of them once used to be, or as close as they could get to that. Blair had barged into their room one afternoon in early May, looking disheveled and frustrated beyond belief. Both boys took in her appearance and held back snickers. She placed a hand on her hip and glared at both of them until Dan cleared his throat and spoke,

"To what do we owe the pleasure?"

"This is so stupid."

Both Nate and Dan looked at her oddly hoping that she wasn't expecting them to decode whatever she was saying. Nate muted the TV and raised an eyebrow at the petite brunette standing in the room with them,

"Uh, what is?"

"This!" One of her hands flung out and gestured between the three of them. Neither of them still seemed to get it by the looks on their faces, and she sighed, knowing that she would have to elaborate.

"Look, we're all adults. Sort of. Anyway, this whole 'Let's avoid each other and not spend time with one another and together because there's the chance that it might be awkward' thing is getting really old, really fast. I miss my best friends. And it's so not fair that you two get to see each other all the time while I feel like I've been banished from your worlds or something!"

She took a deep breath after finishing and studied both their faces looking for any sort of reaction. They both looked at her for a minute, then at each other, smirks appearing on both their faces.

"Glad to see you're still such a fireball."

"Oh shut up, Archibald."

"Looks like she's lacking on witty comebacks."

Blair threw her hands up in the arm and stormed out of the room, the sound of the laughter coming from the two boys filled the hallway as she left the building.

The three of them had hectic summers. Dan spent most of it working as much as he could in order to get a little extra pocket money and to take the load off of his father. His scholarship covered most of the tuition cost but he still wanted to make it as easy as possible for his family. Nate was constantly going back and forth between the city and school, needing to be there for summer lacrosse. His mother had demanded that he come home part of the time, he guessed it was to make things more bearable since his father seemed to behave whenever he was around. Blair's summer was mostly spent in Europe with her father and his partner. She would call at ridiculous hours of the night forgetting what time it was in New York, but neither of them minded.

Fall flew by. Now that they were all familiar with how college worked, this one in particular, the days seemed to pass by in a few short hours. Things between the three of them remained as normal as they could, considering the circumstances. It was like the pink elephant in the room, but they had no choice but to shut up about it and try their best to deal.

The winter chill was just beginning to creep its way into the air. The leaves had turned from green to red, yellow, and brown before they started to fall off of the trees. Serena had begun dating a boy named Carter and that left Blair with more alone time than she wanted, so she often found herself at the house that Nate and Dan shared with two other fraternity brothers. She was always a welcome guest, and the two other roommates – Jeremy and Scott, had grown to like her. Blair was trying to teach herself how to be more independent, and her idea of that was learning to cook. She spent at least four or five nights there a week testing out new recipes on her guinea pigs, and they never complained.

She was laying on the oversized couch one evening at the house with Dan trying her best to focus on the reading in front of her when Nate shuffled in. The two of them glanced up to see him – his face unnaturally pale and grave. His phone was clutched in his hands and he didn't stop for a second to say hello or acknowledge the two of them while heading to his room. As his door slammed, Dan shot a glance at Blair and they stood up immediately and quickly hurried up the stairs.

When Blair opened the door she was met with a sight she'd never really seen before. Nate was sitting on his bed, slumped over with his head in his hands. A picture of his family on his dresser had been tossed onto the floor and bits of glass were surrounding it. Dan and Blair stood in the doorway unsure of what to do. Blair took a small stop forward not wanting to intrude.

"Nate?" Her voice was soft; she didn't want to startle him.

When he looked up at them his eyes were filled with tears that he refused to let fall over the edge. She glanced back at Dan, her eyes wide.

"Shit, man. What happened?"

Dan was now at Blair's side, looking just as confused as she did.

Nate rubbed his temples and inhaled deeply in an attempt to calm himself down. He never let himself get like this; in fact he couldn't even remember the last time he had come close to crying. It just wasn't him; he usually kept his emotions in check.

"My son of a bitch of a father overdosed, nearly fucking killed himself." His voice was rough and hoarse; he was trying not to let it crack under the weight of what he was feeling at the moment.

Blair let out a small gasp and rushed over to his side, while Dan shoved his hands in his pocket and leaned back against the wall. There was concern written all over their faces.

Nate balled his hands into fists and tried his best to keep himself in check. He didn't even know what to think or feel at the moment.

"What can we do?" Dan sincerely asked.

Nate shrugged and stood up, pacing around his room while throwing clothes onto the bed next to Blair.

"My mom asked me to come home; I figured she needs me there so I'm going back to the city for a few days. He's still unconscious and they're keeping him there for a few days. And then we have to get him into some sort of treatment program and…" He paused, and slammed his hand against the wall, "Fuck."

He gripped the edge of his dresser tightly and felt himself beginning to lose control again. He emptied out his pockets frantically searching for a joint but came up empty.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Blair winced as he voice filled the room, and she looked at Dan and he just stared back, uncertain of what they could do to help him. Nate had grabbed a duffel bag from his closet and was now throwing clothes into that. He turned around and made his way over to the bed, shoving the remaining items into the bag.

"Nate, man, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I told you, she asked me to come back."

Dan grabbed his friend's arm as he tried to walk out the door to stop him,

"It's late; don't you think she'll be okay until tomorrow?"

"No, Humphrey, I don't. My dad is in the hospital. Because he overdosed. She's not going to be okay." Nate responded bitterly.

"Nate." Blair's tone was gentle again.

He turned around, freeing himself of Dan's grip and looked her in the eyes for the first time that night.

"I have to go tonight, I have to."

She nodded and stood up slowly, meeting his glance.

"Can we come with you?"

Blair looked past Nate to Dan, and he nodded, signaling that he would be more than willing to do that.

"Can you two be ready in 15 minutes?"

She smiled weakly at him and headed for the door,

"I'll see you in 15 minutes."

The drive from Yale to New York was about two hours, and both Blair and Dan had agreed that Nate was in no condition to drive, so they each took hour shifts, letting him sit in the passenger seat and control the radio. The music played loud enough so that no conversation could be had.

They arrived at the hospital around 1 AM, and any exhaustion they may have felt while on the way there was quickly replaced with anxiety. They silently followed Nate through the hallways before they reached his mother. If they thought Nate had been in bad shape, it was clearly because they hadn't seen his mother. She hugged Nate tightly for a few moments while Dan and Blair stood awkwardly a few feet away, feeling as if they were intruding. But Mrs. Archibald then moved over to the two of them, pulling them into hugs as well while Nate talked with one of the doctors who had been treating his father.

The four of them sat in the waiting room for a few hours before Nate told his mother to go home and get some sleep. She had argued at first, but he promised her that he would call her first thing in the morning or if anything happened. She said her goodbyes and it was just the three of them alone in the waiting room. Dan stood up and stretched before turning to Nate and Blair,

"I'm getting coffee, do either of you want something?"

Nate nodded while Blair shook her head, even though her eyelids were beginning to feel heavy. The couch they were sitting on was about as comfortable as it could be for hospital furniture, but at this point it was hard to stay awake.

She yawned and Nate looked at her with something that sort of resembled a smile on his face,

"You can sleep; he's not your dad."

She rolled her eyes, "He practically is. I'm fine, don't worry about me. How are _you_?"

Nate sighed and ran his hands through his hair trying to find the right words.

"I don't know. I mean – he's my dad, you know? As much shit as he gives me I still love him and I just can't believe he would do something like this. It just seems to out of the blue and…I don't know it's almost too much for me to take in…"He trailed off not really knowing what exactly he wanted to say.

Blair reached for his hand, grabbing it and lacing her fingers with his. Nate squeezed it and she moved a little closer to him, curling her legs to the side of her.

"He'll be okay, you'll all be okay."

He nodded and leaned back into the couch.

"Thank you."

She looked at him, puzzled.

"For what? I haven't done anything."

"For just being here, it means more than you know."

Blair nodded and let another yawn escape and Nate chuckled, shaking his head.

"Blair, it's four in the morning, you can catch some sleep."

She started to protest but he used his free hand to cover her mouth.

"How about a quick nap?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes but he knew he had won when she rested her head on his shoulder and let herself shut her eyes. He felt her pull their hands into her lap as she allowed herself to relax against him.

Dan returned a few minutes later with their coffee, eyeing the two of them. He handed Nate his coffee.

"Thanks, man. For everything. I'd be a total fucking mess if you weren't here right now."

Dan sat down in an armchair next to the couch and shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Don't even; I don't have anywhere else I need to be but here. You doing okay?"

"I don't know, this is all so fucked up."

They both took a sip of their coffee and sat in a momentary silence.

"How's Sleeping Beauty doing?" Dan motioned to Blair, who was now in a deep sleep.

Nate smiled weakly and apologetically at him,

"I'm sorry, I didn't ask her to fall asleep on me or hold my hand or anything…"

Dan laughed, somewhat bitterly,

"Yeah, but you didn't exactly stop her either, did you?"

Nate opened his mouth to dispute but Dan held up a hand.

"Nah, just ignore me. You need her more than I do right now and that's cool. I don't really enjoy watching it, but it's cool. I swear. I get what it's like to need her."

Nate felt a pang of guilt run through him and realized how difficult it must be for Dan to sit there and watch Blair focus most, if not all, of her attention on him. He started to move her but Dan stopped him,

"Seriously, man. Just enjoy it, or whatever."

Nate nodded and set his coffee down, relaxing back into the couch. Blair stirred a little beside him and he looked down at her and tried to fight a smile from forming on his lips for Dan's sake. Dan averted his eyes for a minute, and when he looked back, Nate was staring at him. They both knew that they couldn't avoid the pink elephant for much longer.


	7. Nowhere To Go

**Author's Note:** Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the encourage reviews! This chapter might seem a little rushed and smashed together, so I apologize if it comes off that way. Also even though it may seem like there is a resolution at the end, there definitely isn't yet. So please hang with me. Happy reading! Comments and reviews are always appreciated.

**Disclaimer:** The only thing I own are my ideas, the characters and Gossip Girl are not mine.

Chapter 7 – Nowhere To Go

Blair sat at a table with a bunch of people she had never met. In fact, she had counted the number of people she knew on one hand. That was a tell tale sign she was way out of her element. There was some shitty cover band playing so loud that it was hard to have a conversation with anyone, not that she wanted to actually converse with these people.

Her champagne glass had been empty for exactly three minutes and she was starting to get irritated. People kept coming up to her and introducing themselves, she smiled politely and pretended to listen to their life stories that for some reason they felt they needed to tell her.

The only reason she was at this stupid wedding is because there was no way she was going to let Dan watch his mother remarry some pompous idiot alone. She had found the invitation on his desk one afternoon and proceeded to question him until he filled her in on the details.

Alison was marrying some middle aged, salt and pepper haired, business man. From the little time she had spent around them she decided that the marriage was simply for convenience and security. She told Dan it was very Upper East Side of them and he laughed, rolling his eyes.

It was an early summer wedding and they were all back in the city after completing their second year at Yale. After the Captain's overdose Nate had proceeded to slowly remove himself from their lives, claiming that he needed to focus on getting his family life back together so he could "figure his own shit out, too." It hurt both of them, Blair especially, but there wasn't much she could do.

They had both been disappointed when he said he couldn't make it to the wedding, he had promised his father he would go sailing with him. It wasn't unusual for him to bail these days so they didn't press the issue.

Blair spotted Dan working his way through the crowd holding two glasses above his head, trying his best not to spill them. She excused herself from the conversation she wasn't even interested in and rushed over to Dan, taking the glass from him as he handed it to her.

"This I the most God awful wedding I've ever been to, Humphrey. You owe me big time. It's like these people don't know how to interact with other human beings without sharing unnecessary details about their life."

He laughed at her as she drank half of what was in her glass, suppressing a shudder.

"Is it really that bad? I mean aside from the whole my mom marrying some guy she barely seems interested in?"

She rolled her chocolate eyes and set her finished drink down on a table.

"Well one, it's in Brooklyn."

Dan pretended to be offended and she playfully hit him. The band had taken a break and now typical wedding type songs were playing. Blair smoothed out her black cocktail dress.

"Dance with me."

"How many years have we known each other? You know I don't dance."

"Oh, come on! Just one dance, how bad could it be?"

He didn't have a chance to respond before she grabbed his hand and dragged him out onto the dance floor. She threw her hands behind his neck and smirked knowing she had won the battle when he placed his hands around her back and pulled her in closer.

"See? Not so bad."

Dan shrugged and said nothing. The truth was, there isn't anywhere else in the world he would want to be. She actually made dancing tolerable. He felt her rest her head on his chest and he let his chin sit atop her head. Even in her heels, she was still a few inches shorter than him.

The two danced in silence for a few songs, getting lost in the awful music that was blaring through the speakers. Blair could feel the few glasses of champagne getting to her. She took a step back and looked up at Dan,

"Can we step outside maybe? It's getting a little warm."

He nodded and moved his hands off her waist, grabbing one of her hands instead and leading her outside to some steps. The two sat down next to each other, Blair rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"How are you doing with all of this? Is it weird?"

Dan shrugged.

"I don't know, it's her life. And it's not like she's really been apart of mine for the past oh, I don't know, six years. I'm really here just because it would be way easier than thinking of a legitimate excuse not to be."

Blair sighed and stared up into the night sky, there was a warm breeze blowing and she shivered a little. Dan shrugged out of his jacked and wrapped it around her shoulders, she looked over and smiled at him.

"You're always doing that."

He looked at her, puzzled.

"Doing what?"

"Taking care of me or something."

He smiled at her and grinned, shrugging again.

"Someone has to; you'd be a mess if you were left to your own devices."

Blair elbowed Dan in the side and rolled her eyes.

"So not true."

He laughed at her and nodded.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. You'd probably be better off without me."

She looked up at him, slightly glaring. He sighed.

"I'm kidding."

"No. You're not."

The two looked at each other for a minute, Blair trying to read his face. She was the first to break the silence.

"You don't honestly think that, do you?"

Dan ran his hand through his short hair and looked straight ahead, careful not to make any eye contact with the small brunette sitting next to him.

"Sometimes I think you life would be easier if I left you alone, if I could put aside these feelings and just be your friend, and want nothing more than that, you know?"

She bit her bottom lip and stared at him as he talked.

"I wouldn't be."

"Blair, all I do is make things more complicated for you. I want to be able to let go of you but I can't do it. Believe me, I've tried."

A few people walked past them, filtering out of the reception area. Dan and Blair didn't seem to notice.

"Why can't you? I need to know why."

He felt his stomach flip and his heart jump out of his throat. In fact, he was expecting to open his mouth and literally see his heart lying on the step below him.

"What good will that do?"

"Can you please just tell me, I need to know why I'm worth all this trouble? I hate seeing you like this."

He inhaled deeply and took one of her tiny hands in his lightly.

"No one else gets under my skin like you do. We're so opposite in so many ways, but then there are these moments where I feel like we're on the same exact page. I think you deserve the best of everything in the world, and while I may not have the money to exactly do that, I have everything else."

Her lips were slightly parted and he noticed she wasn't really breathing. He squeezed her hand and she smiled weakly.

"I love you, Blair."

He closed the gap between them and softly presses his lips against hers, letting go of her hand to wrap his arm around her waist. She placed one of her hands on his face returning the kiss.

Blair's brain was running a mile a minute. Here she was kissing a boy, who loved her, and maybe she loved him too, she just hadn't allowed herself to feel that emotion. But what would happen if she did. It was different and exciting, and no matter how much her mind was screaming at her to stop, she couldn't.

While this had been going on, a familiar sandy haired, blue-eyed boy made his way around the corner toward the building where the party was being held. He had figured that he needed to stop avoiding his best friends and the best way to start off doing that was join them in suffering at this reception. Dan probably needed him there and he figured Blair would be bored out of her mind. Maybe he'd even ask her to dance.

He stopped when he saw the two of them sitting, Dan was talking to her and it was just loud enough that if he really listened, he could make out what he was saying. Nate wished he hadn't smoked that last joint before heading over; it was making it harder to concentrate. He winced while listening to Dan's declaration and then he felt his heart plummet to the pits of his stomach,

"I love you, Blair."

That was all Nate needed to hear before turning around and trying to catch a cab back to Manhattan. He balled his hands into fists and did his best not to punch something. He'd been so stupid, thinking that while he spent some time away that Dan wouldn't have moved in. Hell, he would have.

While his mind ran over worst cast scenarios, all of them involved Blair being with Dan, he almost fell into a cab. Nate could barely mumble the location to the driver because his head and his heart had never felt heavier.

Blair finally got sick of the little voice in her head telling her to stop and actually think about what she was doing, so she quickly pulled away. Dan stared at her confused and began to speak but she held up a finger.

"I have to go."

She abruptly stood up and raced inside to grab her things. Dan stared at her and didn't even notice her coming back until she was whisking past him on the stairs and into a cab. She turned around before getting inside.

"I have to think."

Blair forced a smile that she knew he would know was completely false, but he forced a smile back.

"Thank you, though, for telling me."

He watched the cap speed away, and with it the girl who had his heart.

The first thing Nate did when he got back to his parent's house was dart into his room, slamming the door shut and locking it. He tore through his drawers looking for a box. He went straight past his usual rolling paper and weed, and grabbed a bottle of pills.

A frat brother had given a bottle of Valium after the end of the term, Nate had worked himself into being stressed all the time, and joints were beginning to not calm him down. He tossed two pills in his mouth, swallowed them, and fell back onto the bed. He stared at the ceiling trying to think and slowly felt the pills working.

Nate decided it was nice to feel numb.

Blair spent the next two weeks by herself or with Serena. She filled her in on the details and was furious to find out that Serena had known all along.

"Oh come on, B. Everyone knew! Well, everyone but you."

Blair shot a glare at her roommate and scoffed.

"Well why didn't someone think of filling me in? I mean since you know, it involved me!"

The blonde laughed and shook her head,

"You know, for someone so smart you can be pretty oblivious."

Blair tossed a pillow at Serena, hitting her in the face.

"Don't be rude!"

Serena rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, what did you say to him?"

"Nothing really. I thanked him for telling me, which I know is so O.C. of me but I really didn't know what to say."

"Well, do you love him?"

Blair sighed.

"I don't know, I think I could if I let myself, really let myself. But that's so risky, I don't know if it's worth it to possibly screw up a friendship."

"Or…."

"There's no 'or' Serena, that's just how I'm looking at it."

The blonde raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure there isn't something else stopping you from letting you be with him? Or should I say _someone_ else."

Blair's brown eyes darted around the room. Serena laughed lightly.

"That's always been there, hasn't it?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Serena sighed and turned her attention back to the movie on the screen, this was more complicated than she thought.

Blair spent the next week calling Nate, she had to see him and tell him what was going on. She felt like she owed it to him for some reason. She hadn't really been able to get what Serena had said out of her mind and it was driving her crazy.

He usually ignored her calls when he saw her name flash on his screen, or turned it off so it would go straight to voice mail. All his time was now spent working out, playing lacrosse, or getting his latest fix on whatever what give him the high that he needed. He rarely went out at night anymore, choosing instead to lock himself in his room and let his various pills do their job.

Finally, she had had enough and decided to just show up one afternoon. New York was experiencing an early heat wave, and even her light sundress and stilettos were unbearable when she stepped outside. As she approached the familiar Archibald building she could feel herself getting nervous. Nate hadn't really been himself for months and she wasn't sure what she was even going to say to him.

One of the maids let her in and asked if she wanted Nate to be notified that she was there.

"No, thank you. I'll just show myself the way."

She climbed the staircase and crept down the hallway until she reached his room. Blair quietly turned the doorknob and looked inside, he wasn't in his room. She decided to let herself in and began to wander around the room, looking at things as if she hadn't been there before.

There were still model sailboats on shelves with books, pictures of his family and friends from throughout his life, and it still smelled like him. A mix of his cologne, pot, and toothpaste. It was her favorite scent. The décor of his room had changed, though. It was more grown up and everything just felt heavier.

His drawers were open and she had always hated how he just left like them like that. She walked over to shut them and then noticed the lid of the box he kept his weed in was open, so she went to shut that too. But inside she noticed three or four different pill bottles.

Blair picked them up one by one and examined them. They weren't prescribed to him, and all of them were about half empty. She was opening the last one when she felt a pair of eyes glued to her. Slowly, she turned her head and almost didn't recognize the person staring back at her.

His eyes weren't sparkling, he looked like he hadn't really slept in weeks, and there was just something so lifeless about him. This wasn't her Nate. This was a complete stranger.

"What are you doing, Blair?"

He marched over to her and ripped the bottle out of her hands, shoving it back into his drawer as he slammed it.

She took a step back, his tone was unfriendly.

"No, Nate, what are _you_ doing?"

"Nothing. Why are you here?"

"You won't answer my calls, you won't return my messages, I can't even remember the last time we spent a decent amount of time together. What's going on?"

"Look, I've been busy."

She laughed bitterly and mumbled,

"Yeah, it really looks like it."

"Does Dan know that you're here?"

The question caught her off guard.

"Excuse me?"

"You know, Dan. My best friend. The guy who told you he loves you."

She stared at him, mouth slightly open.

"How did you…"

"I showed up at the reception and I heard him tell you."

His voice was monotonous.

"You were there?"

He nodded slightly.

"Should I start telling you how happy I am for you now? Or is it too premature for that."

His words came out harsh and she winced, taking another step back. It was like she was talking to someone she didn't know at all.

"It's not like that."

He let out a laugh that sounded almost wicked.

"Don't let little old me stand in the way of you two being together."

She watched him as he walked over to his closet and he began to search for something.

"I didn't even say it back."

He spun around to face her.

"You don't have to say it for it to be true; I should know that out of all people."

Her lips pursed and she shot a glare at him.

"Stop assuming things."

"You love him, don't you? Perfect Dan who has no issues and wants to give you everything in the world that he can. Why won't you just be with him?"

He reached up into his closet and pulled out another bottle, she assumed it was part of some secret stash he had just in case. She stormed over to him, and pulled his arm down, flinging the open bottle out of his hands and watched the pills spill all over the floor.

"What he hell do you think you're doing, Blair?!"

He was now facing her and this was the first time she had really seen any emotion in his face, he was angry.

"This isn't about me. What are you doing to yourself? What are these pills, Nate? Why won't you just talk to me!"

"You want me to talk? Fine. I'll talk. Ever since my father overdosed I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do. I've always thought he was invincible, and maybe that's where I went wrong. Everyone always tells me how alike we are in some aspects. And when I heard Dan sit there and tell you he loves you, I realized that I was about to lose the one thing I've actually given a damn about in my life and I figured, hey, why not get a head start on ruining my life since I won't give a shit anyway."

He was now sitting on his bed, and the anger had turned into a sense of panic.

"The pills make it so I don't feel, and trust me; it's just easier not to."

Blair stared at Nate with tears forming in her eyes. Sitting in front of her was the boy she had known almost her entire life and he was so much more broken than she had ever expected him to be.

"I want you to be happy, and if he's what makes you happy, then you need to be with him. I don't even know if I'm any good for you, I mean, look at me. I'm my father's son through and through."

He felt her small body sit next to his and he could smell her perfume, and even just that made his life a little better, if only for the moment. Her tiny hands grabbed one of his larger ones and he looked at her, her eyes brimming with tears.

"You listen to me, and I mean you really listen."

He nodded and waited for her to continue.

"Firstly, you are not your father. Do you hear me? You are not. Your. Father. You're so much more than he'll ever be because you actually have a sense of compassion and this heart that so wonderful, I don't even think you know how much. Secondly, we're going to get you help, someone to talk to, anything to get you back on track. You have too much to lose and I won't let you screw up your life like this."

He nodded again, and noticed that her hands were shaking. The pills he had taken earlier were wearing off rapidly and he was beginning to pick up on things easier.

"I'm sorry."

She made a hushing noise and squeezed his hand.

"I know. But you can't blame yourself for what happened with your father, it wasn't your fault."

"I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you. You out of all people didn't deserve that."

She smiled at him sadly.

"I'm okay, I promise."

He bent his head and looked at the floor, suddenly feeling ashamed about his behavior for the past months.

"I don't know what I did to be lucky enough to have someone like you in my life, but I'm not going to question it."

Blair let out a tiny laugh and rolled her eyes at him. She could read him look a book and she could tell he was scared.

"Nate?"

He looked up, blue eyes meeting brown.

"Don't worry about anything. You won't have to do this alone."

For the first time in months, Nate Archibald felt like he was going to be okay.


	8. I Won't Disagree

**Author's Note:** I'm so, so sorry for how long this next chapter has taken to get up! Last week was absolutely crazy for me, but thankfully things are calming down. This story has a few chapters left, so I'm going to start tying up loose ends. I had some more planned for it but I'd like to save those ideas for other stories/oneshots/etc. Again, thank you SO much for all your wonderful reviews. They mean so much to me! I hope you guys like this chapter.

**Disclaimer:** The only thing I own are my ideas, the characters and Gossip Girl are not mine.

Chapter 8 – I Won't Disagree

Nate had spent the remainder of the summer, and much of his junior year, in and out of his therapist's office. It was hard for him to open up to his closest friends, and even harder to get him to spill his life story to a complete stranger. Blair and Dan made it a habit to make sure that at least one of them was waiting for him outside of the building after each session. Blair, usually with a beverage of some sort, and Dan with a funny story about someone. But they were never together, the two rarely spent any time alone these days, Nate had tried to talk to both of them about, separately, but they just shrugged and changed the topic.

He couldn't help but look at Blair and wonder if she loved Dan the way he loved her. Dan had no idea that he had overheard his early summer confession to her and he planned to keep it that way, there was no point in bringing up something that would be uncomfortable for both of them to discuss.

The funny thing about it was that things were never awkward when it was the three of them, so he had almost completely given up on pressing the issue anymore with the two of them. They had a weird dynamic that he had a hard time understanding.

The year passed quickly for the three of them, each finding that they were getting drowned in all the school work and extracurricular activities. By May, they were again ready for the summer, but dreading it because they knew it would be the last year they could all really enjoy being young.

Nate's therapy sessions were becoming less and less frequent as he got a greater grip on his life, but there were still some issues that he was having a hard time talking about. Discussing his father was easy, he knew that's where a lot of his problems came from, but his therapist still felt as if there was a big part of himself that he was hiding.

"Nathaniel, you know I can't help you unless you're willing to tell me everything that's going on."

Nate sat slouched in a comfortable leather arm chair and stared at his therapist who sat facing him three feet away. She had been working with the family for years and Nate had seen her more in the past twelve months than he had in his entire life.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, shrugging.

"I'm not sure what you mean, to be honest."

She let out a small laugh and shook her head, setting her notes down in her lap.

"You're a smart young man, I think you're well aware of what I'm talking about, but I won't force you discuss anything you don't want to."

Nate readjusted his position feeling slightly uncomfortable, and smiled weakly at the woman sitting across from him.

"Do you mind pointing me in the right direction?"

The next second she was rifling through her notes, flipping back to one of the very first times they had met. She turned the paper to face him and her pen was pointed at a name on the page.

Blair.

He blinked a few times.

"Ah. Yeah."

"Remember, no pressure. We can talk about something else if you'd like, but I feel as if it would be beneficial to cover this…area of your life."

He nodded his head, agreeing with the last part of her sentence.

"No, I need to talk about her, I think."

Her hand motioned for him to continue.

"She's always been the one person I know I can always count on. No matter how many times I fuck up, she's always been there to help me pick up the pieces. She's the only person who's never given up on me, and never taken me at just face value. Blair was the first person to really want to get to know me when I was growing up, and I think in a lot of ways she knows me better than I even know myself. Most of the time I feel like I don't deserve to have someone like her in my life, and that one day she's going to figure out that she's better off without me and walk away. But I know she won't, because she's just that good of a person."

He'd never said more about her in his life, and it felt as if a small weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

"So she's been your main support system?"

"Yeah, without a doubt. I was an asshole for a little bit, but she's never once held it against me. I just know that I can always depend on her and she won't let me down. I just…I just think my life would be so much worse off without her."

"And have you told her this?"

"Sort of. I mean, not in those exact words or anything, but I think she knows."

"Knows what, exactly?"

He was lost in his own thoughts now, going over what he had just said to the doctor, and the next sentence he spoke surprised the both of them, him especially.

"That I'm in love with her."

She smiled at him as he looked back at her, with a strange expression his face, like as if a light bulb had gone off in his head but he was still confused.

"I'm glad you finally realized it. I was beginning to think you never would and you'd been stuck in this office forever."

Nate let a small laugh escape and stared out the window.

"Don't get trapped inside your head, Mr. Archibald. You have a few minutes left today, use them wisely."

His fingers drummed on the arms of the chair and he took a deep breath, letting everything sink in.

"I don't even know when this happened, there isn't a moment I can think back to and say that's when I knew. Probably because I've been suppressing the feeling for so long that I blocked that memory out. I can't tell her though."

"Because of Dan?"

He nodded.

"Yeah, that and I don't want to make things weird between us if she doesn't feel the same. I've seen what it does to her and Dan and I don't know if I could deal with that. I've experienced my life without her, and I'd rather suffer in silence than not have her at all."

She set down her pen.

"Nathaniel, you need to tell her. The only way that you're ever going to find any resolution is if you talk to her. From everything that you've told me about her, even if she doesn't feel the same way, she won't cut you out of her life."

The grandfather clock in the corner of the office chimed five times, and his therapist closed his file and headed toward the door, Nate followed her.

As he was leaving the office, her voice stopped him.

"Please consider what I've told you."

He nodded and left, not sure of who would be easier to face outside – Dan or Blair. He didn't have long to worry because the second he walked out of the building, he spotted a petite brunette sitting on a bench texting away furiously. She looked up when she heard the door close and smiled at him, he could swear he felt his heart stop.

Blair got up from the bench and met him as they turned to walk back toward their apartments.

"I just killed my French Lit final, and now I'm done and Dan's in a horrible mood because he's going to be stuck studying in the library for another two days!"

She laughed and he couldn't help but do the same. Even when he was nervous as hell this girl could make him forget about everything and just be okay.

"How was the session?"

"Fine, we just mostly talked about school stuff – how my finals went, next year's plans, law school, things like that."

Nate wasn't lying completely; they had spent the first half of the session discussing that.

"Sounds thrilling."

"Mmhm."

They spent most of the walk back in silence, Nate was too busy trying to figure out whether or not he should say anything and Blair had learned to let Nate be when he got quiet.

"Serena is out with Carter for the night, do you want to get something to eat and watch a movie?"

Nate smiled and nodded.

"I've got a killer craving for Chinese, does that sound okay?"

Blair rolled her eyes and unlocked her apartment door,

"Don't you ever get sick of that?"

He shook his head and was already dialing the number as she spoke; she threw her hands up in defeat while he placed the usual order.

The food showed up thirty minutes later and Nate took twice as much as Blair, yet ate it three times as fast as she did. She stared at him in amazement for a second as he inhaled his food.

"What" He asked, his mouth half full of food.

"Honestly, Nate, after all those years of those of etiquette you think you could one, not eat your food like a starving animal, and two, swallow everything before you spoke."

He laughed at her and she shot him a glare as she gathered up the plates and brought them over to the sink to wash them. Nate jumped up to help her but she pushed him away.

"Would you just sit down and relax, go pick out a movie or something."

He began to protest so Blair grabbed the sink attachment and shot water at him, but he jumped out of the way and avoided it.

"Shouldn't the water go on the dirty dishes? Last time I checked I wasn't made of china."

Her already wide eyes got even wider and she pressed down on the lever and shot another stream of water at him, this time hitting him. His mouth opened to say something, but a smirk crept across his face and he made a dash for the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water and quickly unscrewing the lid before tossing half of it on her. She shrieked and glowered at him, the front of her soaked.

Blair reached for the sprayer again, but before she could reach it Nate grabbed it out of her hands and sprayed her again. She jumped toward him and before they knew it, they were both getting attacked by the water coming out of the attachment and were soaking.

Nate held it above his head and stared down at her, not even trying to stifle his laughter. She groaned and looked down at her drenched clothes,

"I surrender, you win."

He grinned and let the sprayer retract back into the sink and Blair went back to putting the dishes away. When she was done she headed toward her room,

"I'm going to change, pick something out or I'm making you watch something we've both already seen a hundred times."

He searched through her movies looking for something that they could both watch without one of them complaining the entire time. He tossed a few choices on the large couch and made his way back to her room, knocking lightly on the slightly open door. It pushed open and he saw Blair sitting at her vanity running a bush through her hair.

He stood in doorway, staring at her. She was humming something he didn't recognize and hadn't noticed him yet. Just then, she seemed to have seen him out of the corner of her eye, and she turned to face him he was smiling.

"What? Still basking in your victory, Archibald?"

"I'm in love with you, Blair."

The words left his mouth before he could stop them.

Blair dropped her bush on the ground and stared at him, frozen, trying to process what he had just said.

"I think I've been in love with you my entire life, I just never let myself believe it because of everything that could go wrong. But I don't care anymore; I need you to know how I really feel because it's been killing me."

It was like he couldn't stop himself from spilling out all the precious information he had worked so hard to keep a secret.

She continued to look at him, and he could tell she was letting her mind analyze the situation before she said anything.

"Do what you will with that information, but just know that I mean every word of it and I don't nee -- "

He was interrupted by Blair standing up abruptly and walking over to him, taking one of his hands in hers.

"I'm in love with you, too."

His blue eyes looked into her brown ones, afraid that he would find some uncertainty or doubt in them, but he didn't. He'd never seen her look more honest than she did in that moment.

Before he had the chance to say anything, she stood up on her tip toes and kissed him. It was different than the times before – this kiss was vulnerable and sincere, it felt like he'd been kissing her all his life. Blair's free hands made their way around his neck, pulling him closer to her, and she felt one of his wrap around her waist. Nate was aware of her moving the two of them backwards toward her bed. Her knees hit the mattress and she fell backward, taking Nate with her.

He was careful not to crush her with his weight by balancing on his forearms above her. Her grip was now on his shirt as she tugged it off him. Blair broke the kiss momentarily to discard herself of the nightwear she had changed into and he took a moment to really understand what was about to happen. He rolled off of her and she stared at him, frustrated.

"Blair, we don't have to do this."

"I've been waiting my entire life for this to happen, and I could never figure out why I couldn't just get it over with. I've had plenty of opportunities to but I never took them. I want this, with you, right now."

He sighed, realizing he had more self control than he had thought when he continued to try and make sure that this is what she really wanted.

"I'm not going anywhere, this can wait."

She shook her head and pulled him back onto her, pressing her lips into his, and he let his hands wander over her soft skin. Blair pulled away slightly and murmured into his lips.

"It's you, it's always been you. It will always be you."

The two of them had spent the rest of the night locked in Blair's bedroom, and she had to practically kick Nate out the next afternoon. The entire walk back to his apartment he had a grin plastered on his face that he couldn't erase.

Dan had come back to the apartment to take a quick nap before his last final, and was jolted awake when Nate's keys rattled in the lock of their house. He walked in and Dan noticed he was still wearing the same clothes as he had been the day before.

Nate froze in his tracks when he saw Dan, who was now sitting up, in the living room. He forced a smile and turned his attention to the pantry trying to avoid Dan's prying eyes.

He got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen, pouring himself another cup of coffee. Taking in Nate's appearance, he noticed his hair was unkempt and that there was something different, a familiar scent filled the air and he froze while pouring his coffee, his heart sinking.

Nate smelled like Blair.

Dan slowly turned around to face his best friend, not even sure what to think. Nate could feel his eyes on him and slowly shut the pantry door and turned around too, looking at him.

He recognized the look; it was a lot like how he had looked after seeing Dan with Blair on the steps. But this looked like it cut a lot deeper. Like he knew something that he wouldn't tell Nate.

"Look, man, I'm sorry…"

Dan held up a hand before grabbing a few books and shoving them in a school bag.

"Don't worry about it."

"I didn't do this in spite of you or anything, I'm in --"

Dan raced past Nate and was halfway out the door before he spoke again.

"I said, don't worry about it. I get it. I'm waving my white flag."

The door slammed behind him.


	9. Daylight

**Author's Note:** You can all send your complaints about this taking so long to update to my university and professors. They are seriously killing me right now. But I finally had time to sit down and finish this baby. Yes, this is the last chapter, and I hope it ties everything up and people are satisfied with the ending. This won't be the last you hear from me, though! I have a series of oneshots/multi-parters that have been swimming around in my head for weeks. Thank you all so much for reading, reviewing, and sticking with me through this. I can't tell you how much it means to me. I hope you will all check out my other work once I write and post it! Again, thank you. Happy reading!

**Disclaimer:** The only thing I own are my ideas, the characters and Gossip Girl are not mine.

Chapter 9 - Daylight

Dan had never been more thankful for the school year to end than he had been at the end of his junior year. Luckily, there was a summer internship in Los Angeles that would take him away from everything. A couple of guys from his fraternity caught wind of the situation and offered him a place to stay next year so he wouldn't have to face his best friend and the girl he loved on daily basis.

His flight left two days after his last final, and he spent most of the time locked in his room. If he left the door open, Nate would pace back and forth in front of it waiting for Dan to acknowledge him. But he never did.

His flight left early on a Monday morning. The sun had barely started to rise when he dragged multiple suitcases outside to the curbside where his taxi was waiting for him. Dan shoved the last bag in the trunk and he caught something in the corner of his eye that made him stop. Blair.

She still looked the same, he thought, a little uneasy. Her gaze was slightly unreadable; it was like he didn't know what she was thinking anymore. Before he could say anything, she silently turned around and walked away, tossing her coffee in the trash as she went.

The cab driver tapped Dan on the shoulder, snapping him out of the daydream he was in. He handed him a folded up piece of paper, telling him that a girl had asked him to give Dan the note. He unfolded it and recognized the almost perfect handwriting immediately.

_I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please, don't be mad._

--

Dan received an invitation in the mail from Serena right before winter break. It was to a party her mother was throwing in celebration of her engagement to Carter. He smiled when he got it, glad that Serena had found someone who could really treat her the way she deserved to be treated. He had always liked Carter and the two of them together had made sense to him from the beginning.

He knew his way to her Upper East Side apartment well, and bundled up in a suit and jacket on a cool mid-December night. The past six months had been half spent in Los Angeles, the others finishing up the start of his senior year at Yale. The book he had been working on was well on its way to being finished. He found that he had a lot more time to himself these days to write.

The apartment was full of people, when two UES families joined forces, that was usually the case. He spotted Lily Van Der Woodsen politely discussing something with someone he didn't recognized. She smiled at him and waved pack before placing a bottle of champagne on a table.

He felt a pair of eyes staring into his back, and he turned around to see Blair. She had let her hair grow longer, her skin get a couple of shades darker, and she was even more beautiful than she had been before, if that was at all possible. He thought he had gotten her out of his system during the six months he had spent avoiding her and Nate, but any progress he had made in that department was now gone. She slowly and cautiously approached him,

"Hey stranger."

Her voice sounded timid.

"Hey, yourself."

She fidgeted with the ruby ring on her finger, he laughed to himself, some things never change.

"How are you? I haven't seen you in forever."

Dan shrugged. The truth was, he was doing a lot better than he thought he would be doing.

"Not bad, the book is coming along pretty well. The summer in LA really helped, I learned more than I've learned in three years at Yale I think."

Blair laughed lightly and he couldn't hold back a smile.

The two continued to small talk until a serious look overtook her face.

"You should really call Nate, he misses you. He'd never admit it out loud, of course, but I can tell he does."

Dan inhaled sharply at the mention of his best friend's name, if you could even call him that anymore. They had barely spoken in the last six months, usually it was text messages or e-mails catching up, but rarely face to face contact.

"Things change, Blair."

She rolled her eyes and her focus was then drawn to something behind Dan. Her eyes suddenly got brighter and he didn't have to turn around to know who had walked in.

"Look, now's the perfect time to catch up!"

He sighed as she walked quickly past him over to Nate, dragging him back with her. He smiled weakly at Dan and she cleared her throat,

"I'll just leave you two alone."

She smirked and the two men shook their heads, stifling laughther.

Nate was the first to speak.

"Hey, man."

Dan nodded at him causing Nate to run his hand through his hair.

"Is it ever going to be okay between us again?"

The brunette shrugged and set his drink down.

"Probably not, but I think we can try and get back to life before…."

"Yeah."

They both heard Blair groan and laughed. She walked between them to get another drink and mumbled,

"Boys are so. Stupid."

After angrily filling up her champagne glass she stormed away to find Serena. They both watched her and broke into a fit of laughter again as soon as she was out earshot.

It may never be how it was before, but the two were going to try and put as much in the past as they could.

--

The rest of the school year flew by, and summer was once again upon them. They had all managed to spend some more time together, but everyone was so busy with graduation coming up, and a wedding in Serena's case, that they were all distracted.

A month after graduation, they all found themselves at Serena's wedding. It was a picture perfect early summer wedding and Carter and Serena had never looked happier. Blair tried her best not to break down during her maid of honor toast, and made it almost to the end before she lost it. Everyone laughed while she apologized profusely for losing her cool, but it was more endearing than anything.

Nate and Dan sat out on a balcony smoking cigars with a few other members of the wedding party. Blair had gone to help Serena touch up her make up and the two sat silently while the others discussed various things ranging from summer vacations to post-graduation plans.

Dan saw Nate place a small black box on the table they were sitting at and he eyed it. He stared at it wordlessly for a few moments before clearing his throat to speak.

"Look, Nate, I know we've been doing pretty well these last couple of months. But I can't accept that. Besides, it's not even legal, man."

Nate stared at him with a strange expression before laughing, and Dan grinned.

"Brutal. I'm glad I never have to actually propose to you."

Nate opened the box and turned it to face Dan who whistled upon seeing the ring. It wasn't the Vanderbilt ring he was expecting to see, it was something new and better. It was classic yet it had an edge that made it stand out from anything he had ever seen. It screamed Blair.

"How much did that set you back?"

He laughed while grabbing the box and putting it back into his jacket's inner pocket.

"I don't want to talk about it, but it doesn't matter. I saw it and I just sort of knew."

The two sat in silence for a couple of minutes before Nate spoke again.

"I already asked Serena what she thought about it, but I figured if anyone knows Blair as well as she and I do, it's you. What do you think?"

Dan paused, holding out his hand. Nate took the box out again and placed it in his hand. Dan opened it and looked at the ring more closely, even though he already knew his answer. Nate interrupted his thoughts,

"Oh shit, man. I'm sorry, I didn't even think about how awkward this would make you feel…"

Dan held up a hand and gave Nate the box back with the precious cargo.

"It wouldn't look right on anyone's hand but Blair's."

--

Nate and Blair had been on his boat, a graduation present from his father, a dozen times since had received it two months ago. He had even gotten her to help out with the sailing aspect of it a bit, but tonight he was too nervous and had to keep his mind occupied at all times or he was afraid he would ruin everything.

She watched him tighten ropes and fix the sail with a glass of expensive champagne in her hands. He had been refilling her glass and his all night, not allowing her to lift a finger. Blair couldn't help but laugh when he would scramble across the deck to fix something else.

It was just before sunset and he knew that it was getting down to now or never time. He just had to rip the band-aid off, in a sense. He was lost in his own thoughts when he felt Blair's tiny hand grab one of his, giving it squeeze.

"You okay? You've barely sat down all night. Everything is how it should be, just relax and hang out with me."

Nate couldn't help but grin at her, all nerves aside. It was amazing how she had the ability to calm him down in even the most nerve-wracking situations. He kissed the top of her head and pulled her into a tight hug, staring at the sunset that surrounded them.

"I think I left the wine opener inside, do you think you could go grab it. I want to finish the last bottle before we head in."

Blair nodded and managed to squeeze out of arms before walking into the indoor area of the boat. Nate adjusted his tie and tried his best not to pace, knowing that it would clearly give him away. His hand fell into the pocket of his slacks for the hundredth time that night, making sure that small black box was still in place. He pulled it out and held it tightly in his hand. He heard Blair's voice, and turned around.

"The bottle was down there too, so I just went ahead and grabbed that…"

Her eyes fell on his hand and she raised an eyebrow. Nate slowly walked toward her; the soft breeze was lightly blowing her hair back along with the dress she had picked out for the evening.

He dropped to one knee when he was in front of her, his heart beating at a million miles an hour. Nate looked up at her, her brown eyes wide and full of surprise. His free hand opened the box to reveal the ring and Blair dropped both the opener and the bottle of champagne onto the deck at the sight of it.

"Oh my god."

Nate smiled weakly up at her, unsure if he could get his voice to actually work. He had an entire speech planned out in his head but that went completely out the window the second he opened the box and saw her face.

"You mean more to me than anything in this world. I'd be a quarter of the man I am today if it wasn't for you. I don't know what the hell I did to deserve you but I'm sure as hell not letting go of you now that I have you. You're my other half, my sanity, my saving grace. Make me the luckiest and happiest man in the world. Marry me, Blair."

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes as he spoke, her hands wouldn't stop shaking and she was afraid she would lose it at any second. She nodded at first, unable to speak. But a second later she found her voice,

"Yes, yes. A thousand times over, yes."

Blair held her left hand out and noticed Nate's hands were shaking too as he slid the ring onto her ring finger. She laughed and pulled him up, crashing his lips against his as he drew her in closer to him. When they both needed to breathe, she pulled back and relaxed against him. Nate's hand rubbed her back as he stared into the distance, not able to wipe the grin off of his face.

"Did you even look at the ring?" He asked her playfully.

She stared up at him and laughed a little, shaking her head,

"No, not really." She teasingly hit him, 'I'm not _that_ materialistic!"

To be honest, she really hadn't. One quick glance at the ring, and her attention had been turned back to see his face. But now that he had mentioned it, she held her left hand out in front of her expecting to see his mother's ring, and was a bit taken aback when a completely different ring had taken up a residence on her finger. She looked up at him, puzzled.

"Did you mother not want me to have it?"

Nate laughed and rolled his eyes, pulling the family heirloom out of his other pocket and holding it up in front of her face.

"My mother's been begging me to give it to you for the past three years. I just…I don't know. I don't really like all the baggage that comes with it, you know? My parent's marriage hasn't exactly been stellar and I know it's customary to hand this down, but I saw this ring and everything about it just reminded me of you."

Blair couldn't help but let out a small giggle and grinned widely when she looked back at the ring on her finger. She stood on her tip toes and planted a light kiss on Nate's lips, smiling into his lips.

"It's perfect. Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself."

He took her hand in his and rang his thumb over the new addition, everything was in its right place

--

The small coffee shop was nestled in between a café and some sort of boutique. Blair had been darting in and out of people on the sidewalk for the past ten minutes; she had been running late the entire day. It was a frigid day in January, and the city of New York was preparing for another winter blast. She silently cursed Dan for picking this obscure place to meet, but he had said it was important and so she had made the trek.

He was sitting at a table flipping through something on his Iphone. She sat down at the table in typical dramatic Blair fashion, and he looked up, grinning. Blair huffed for a minute before Dan nudged a warm drink in he direction. She gladly accepted and took a long sip before speaking,

"So, what's so damn important that you had to drag me to 5th and nowhere to talk to me about? What's wrong with the Starbucks by my place?"

Dan shrugged,

"I like it more here, it's less hectic."

She shook her head and took another sip of her drink, staring at Dan waiting for this news that just couldn't wait.

"Well?"

He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a book, sliding it across the table. She looked at it upside-down at first, and then turned it around has her mouth opened in shock.

"It's finally done?"

He nodded smugly.

"Go on, look through it."

Blair carefully opened the book, slowly turning through the pages absorbing all the information. She paused when she got to the dedication page.

_To the one person who has truly inspired me in more ways that she knows._

She shut the book and brushed a stray strand of her hair behind her ear with her left hand. Dan still wasn't sure if he was used to seeing her hand adorned with the six carat ring that had been placed on her hand six months ago. He wasn't sure if he would ever get used to it, to be honest.

"You know that without you this book would still just be a bunch of notes in an old notebook, stashed in my desk somewhere."

She held her hand up and shook her head.

"Hardly. You were always the brains behind everything; you just needed a little push."

Her tone grew softer,

"But thank you, I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything, you've done enough."

Blair smiled weakly at him and the two sat silently for a few moments until Blair's phone started ringing. She looked at the screen and shot up,

"Oh, I totally spaced. I have a meeting with the caterers in thirty minutes. I'm going to be late for that too!"

She threw her hands up and began to leave, but Dan reached across the table grabbing her arm and handed her the book. She placed it in her bag,

"Don't think this will stop me from buying a dozen copies, Humphrey."

He laughed and watched her leave. Years later, and that girl still had some sort of affect on him.

--

Nate had never seen anything more stunning and beautiful in his life.

It was the middle of June and a cathedral on the Upper East Side was filled to the brim. People almost had to stand, but they managed to scrape up some last minute seating.

The music played softly. Blair had refused to have "Here Comes the Bride" playing because she deemed it incredibly tacky. Instead, something performed by a symphony played as the wide double doors opened. The hundreds upon hundreds of guests all turned at once, and a collective gasp was heard throughout the chapel. As cliché as it sounded in Nate's head, she was a vision.

The second Blair came into view, Dan turned to look at his best friend. He'd never seen someone so happy, that was until he looked at Blair and she looked equally as happy as her soon to be husband.

Serena was already beginning to tear up, as was Blair. But she blinked furiously to bat back the tears and smiled widely as she made her way up the aisle, escorted by her father. The vows were traditional, both of them had felt that there was no reason to up the cheese factor by spouting lines about how the sun rose and set in each other's eyes. People already knew they loved each other, it was impossible for them not to see it.

Their first dance together was to something Nate had picked out and the two of them didn't stop smiling the entire time. Nate's hand stayed laced with hers, on the small of her back, or around her waist almost the entire evening. People had to pull them away from each other in order to get a word in with them individually.

Blair had been chatting animatedly with Serena about something when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning around, she was met with a smile from Dan.

"Can I steal you for a dance?"

Serena grinned at the two as Dan walked with Blair onto the dance floor.

"You're a hard person to get alone, Waldorf."

"Remember, it's Archibald now." She smiled at him and he couldn't help but smile back. She looked so happy, happier than he'd ever seen her, and that alone was enough to make him pleased too.

"Sorry, excuse me, Archibald."

He was careful not to step on her train has they danced to a mid-tempo song.

"Congratulations, again."

She looked up at him through her lashes and grinned.

"You too. All my single girlfriends keep trying to get me to set them up with this best selling author I know."

He rolled his eyes and laughed lightly.

"Send them my way; I don't think the girl I'm seeing right now is going to work out."

Blair sighed.

"You go through girls quicker than I go through bottles of Chanel nail polish. You're not getting any younger, Humphrey."

"Not all of us are going to be lucky enough to find someone this early in life, Blair."

She shook her head,

"I'll give you some of their numbers when we get back from Europe. You have to promise to call them."

He nodded and noticed her eyes lighting up and felt a hand touch his shoulder,

"I've come to save my wife from your terrible dancing."

Both Blair and Dan laughed, and he stepped aside to let Nate cut in. She smiled at him as he walked away, to chat up another girl by the bar, hoping that someone would grab his attention the way she used to.

--

Two years later, Nate had finished law school and his father was throwing a party to celebrate that he had been accepted into one of the most prestigious firms in New York, if not the country. He had talked to so many people in suits that night, all congratulating him that he was beginning to blur names and faces together. Various young women tried their best to strike up conversations with the new lawyer, but he always politely excused himself less than a minute into their attempt to intrigue him. They never did, they never would.

He scanned the room for the familiar face of Blair, but she was nowhere to be found. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and glanced down at the message,

_Your mother still hasn't changed your room, Nathaniel._

Nate grinned and slipped away from the party unnoticed, making his way up the familiar staircases of his youth. He opened his door to see his wife and his best friend sitting on his bed pouring glasses of champagne. He made his way over the bed, gladly accepting a glass from Dan.

"When the hell did you get here?"

"About ten minutes ago, my flight got in late and I decided to sneak in the back to avoid everyone downstairs. If I had to listen to another person over analyze one of my books I was going to throw myself into traffic."

He laughed at Dan but quickly stopped when he saw Blair bring the glass of champagne to her lips; he grabbed the glass out of her hand and shot her a look.

"Hey!"

"Hey nothing. You know you can't have this."

She glared at him and reached for the glass,

"Would you relax? It's sparkling cider. Please, do you really think I'm that stupid?"

He took a small sip of the drink to confirm what she was saying and handed it back before sitting down next to her on the bed.

"I don't want anything messing with my future son. He has to be ready to hit the lacrosse field the second he can take his first step."

Blair rolled her eyes at her husband,

"When are you going to step out of your delusional world and admit that it's going to be a girl? I'm telling you, I can feel it. Never doubt a mother's intuition."

"Easy, I'm not. Want to know why? Because it's going to be a boy."

"And if it's not?"

"Then I'm keeping her locked up until she's 25."

She couldn't help but laugh at him and took another sip of her cider before resting her head on his shoulder. Dan shook his head at the two of them.

"I can't imagine being around you two for the next seven months. This child has no idea what it's being born into."

"Dan!" They both said in unison.

He grinned and glanced down at his phone as he received a message.

"Got a hot date to get to or something, Humphrey?"

He set his glass down on a nightstand and shook his head.

"Nah, I cancelled. I didn't know how long this was going to go on."

Nate shot a sideways glance at Blair,

"How long is this one going to last?"

Dan looked at both of them rolling his eyes,

"I have a pretty good feeling about this one, I think."

Blair fell backwards onto Nate's old bed groaning.

"I'm going to run out of friends, Dan. Stop being so picky."

Nate grabbed the remote and began flipping through the channels, stopping on some movie playing on HBO. He leaned up against his headboard and Blair curled up beside him.

Dan looked at the TV and grinned, making himself comfortable on the other side of the bed, kicking off his shoes. Blair began to protest.

"Ugh, how many times have you two seen this movie?"

"Still not as many times as you've seen _Breakfast at Tiffany's_." Nate responded, already engrossed in the film.

"We'll never catch up to that." Dan said lazily.

Nate felt his phone go off again, it was the Captain, but he shut it off and placed it on the table beside his bed. The other two followed suit and then their eyes became glued to the screen for the rest of the movie.

It had always been like this, the three of them, together. Though things were much different than they were seven years ago, the same essential make up was still there. From the outside it made more sense than it had before. Three friends who knew each other as well as they knew their selves, and if a person spent five minutes with this trio, they'd understand.


End file.
